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December 30, 2009 What a stupid fucking day today. Snowy, depressing and just fucking nasty. Yuck! Here are some story recommendations from James. http://nifty.guiltygroups.com/nifty/gay/beginnings/feelings-of-security/ This is a story about a new relationship between a guy in his twenties and one in his late forties/early fifties. Story includes many friends and has quite a few chapters. A bit heavy on sex, but then again, why not. http://nifty.guiltygroups.com/nifty/gay/relationships/beyond-the-blue/ Same author as the one above. It’s about two cops who develop a relationship. One was married, but ended up being bisexual or gay. http://nifty.guiltygroups.com/nifty/gay/beginnings/james/ This is about two young guys, one in grad school, who start a relationship. One has a great relationship with his family, but the other was kicked out as a teenager. http://nifty.guiltygroups.com/nifty/gay/beginnings/52-panhead/ This is a current story being written and posted on Nifty, CRV Boy and the authors own website. I’ve enjoyed it quite a bit because the author is taking it into the area of what happens after the initial meeting and getting together stage of a relationship. Both men bring some pretty heavy baggage to the relationship, but are able to keep things in perspective. It’s nice to have this more controlled drama perspective rather than the typical “gay drama explosion and makeup”. http://nifty.guiltygroups.com/nifty/gay/beginnings/island-summer/ The writing in this one is very well done. The story has a lot of different qualities, and one of the primary themes is that you can’t go back to your youth, not because your friends and home have changed, but that you have. One of my all time favorites that I’ve read on Nifty. December 29, 2009 I know, I've posted this picture before. It's just...how perfect is this?
December 29, 2009 I'm getting a lot of story recommendations and I'm just going to post them here. From Laurie, This is the website I really like (besides yours of coarse)
Bob sent this. (not my Bob another Bob, there are lots of them) I like this one very much: http://www.crvboy.org/stories/sarabell/tmiyt/c01.html I don't know the name of the person who sent this email. "The author of, "It started with Brian", has passed away and a close friend is completing the story. sad indeed." Here is the story. http://www.gayauthors.org/efiction/viewstory.php?sid=468 From Jon. I read this and reread it often "Desert Dropping" it is really well written and a fast read. http://domluka.gayauthors.org/desert/index.html From Kim. Yesterday you asked about story recommendations; if you haven't read it "When Irish Eyes are Smiling" on Literotica is very good: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=267413
December 28, 2009 Here are two story recommendations from Ari. "In Due Time" by J_Ross http://www.gayauthors.org/efiction/viewstory.php?sid=724
It can be excruciatingly slow at time, but I've never been able to stop reading it. The narrator is filled with just enough teenaged angst to make him endearing. The author's been on some sort of hiatus, but recently mentioned that they would be resuming the story soon.
"It Started With Brian" http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/highschool/it-started-with-brian/
It gets pretty heartbreaking.
December 28, 2009 Erect cocks are fascinating. From Latin fascinātus, perfect passive participle of fascinō (“‘enchant, bewitch, fascinate’”), from fascinum (“‘a phallus-shaped amulet worn around the neck used in Ancient Rome; witchcraft’”). Just like we've always understood - it all comes down to cock.
I think that I mentioned once before that I was looking for an inexpensive Australian Reisling to try. There are a bunch of them appearing in the liquor store I go to. They seem to be running between eight and twelve dollars. I've tried the Jacob's Creek, which wasn't bad, and there is a Rosemount chilling. These are the cheapest that I've seen, about eight bucks. Even that is a little high for me. But it's nice to see how quickly these are beginning to appear. This also works well as a blend with other wines. The only alternative for the Australian Reisling would be the German and Austrian Reislings which I find confusing. There are so many of them and I don't know how you tell which are dry and which sweeter. December 27, 2009 Read any good gay internet stories lately? If you've run across something really great, something that you think might be worth reading again and again, let me know. I'll post it. December 27, 2009 A few photos that I have meant to post but didn't. The first is my Thankgiving turkey and the other two are the cats playing. I know, it looks like fighting but it's not. They do it constantly.
December 26, 2009 It's a wonder that this site hasn't turned me into a drug addict. Nothing that I've ever done has been harder for me to understand than doing this site. Everything about creating a web site is alien to the way my mind works because web sites are put together logically and I guess that I'm not. Well, thankfully, Christmas is over. Now if I just can live through January it'll probably be okay. It's snowing again. It's going to be one of those years when we have tons of snow. It wouldn't be so bad if we could leave now and spend the next couple of months in Florida but that isn't going to happen. December 25, 2009 I think I have ham poisoning. Sucking on this would probably help.
December 24, 2009 The great Nancy Wilson.
December 24, 2009 A small gift for you, Protecting David-The Brothers 4. It's not much but it's all I have and I hope that you like it. Click here. The best Christmas songs ever recorded. Click here and here and here and here. Oh wait, here's another present for you and it's edible, very very edible.
December 23, 2009 It is just on the verge of snowing here, again, but it could also rain. Rain would be good.I've stocked up on wine and ham for the holiday. I hope it's enough. Wine that is. I have finally finished the remains of the turkey. I really thought that I had more turkey than I did. I would have bought another for Christmas but Bob was resisting that so we're having ham. My Logitech De Nova Edge keyboard crapped out on me yesterday. The little bluetooth thingy stopped working but they are sending me a new one. What I like about the keyboard is that it has a charging stand the holds the keyboard perfectly upright and if you had another keyboard for normal typing it works out well. Now this guys BF is really gonna have a Merry Christmas.
Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"
A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed. When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90 miles. The next time she looked around, there were three cops following her. Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She screeched to a stop and ran into the lady's room.
December 21, 2009 It's about thirty-two degrees here today. That's warm, well, for here at this time of year. There was a guy at the gym this morning with the most enormous dick. That thing had to be seven inches soft and about as big around as a man's wrist. Big balls too, like lemons. I wonder if he got teased about that in school. He probably did because everybody was looking at it this morning. Not that they were openly staring but they sure were looking.
AA stranger was seated next to a blonde on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. A guy takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game for the first time.
On a plane flight from Seattle to Chicago, a blonde was sitting in economy class. About half way through the flight, she got up and moved to an empty seat in first class. A flight attendant who observed this, went over to her and politely explained that she had to move back to economy class because that was what her ticket was for. The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Chicago and I'm staying right here." December 20, 2009 The world is doomed! Sit back, have a drink and relax. Erroll will help.
December 20, 2009
December 19, 2009 Jokes. A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented.
Billy and Joe were huge baseball fans.
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Generally, he was driving his partner nuts.
December 18, 2009 This article by Glenn Greenwald simply must be read. http://www.salon.com/news/healthcare_reform/index.html?story=/opinion/greenwald/2009/12/18/corporatism If he's correct and I believe that he is then at some point you could see Progressive liberals and Tea Bagger Republicans come together. Curiously, I have been particularly well trained in tea baggery. December 18, 2009 Mike Arram's latest story, "Henry and the Balance of Probability" is being posted on CRV Boy web site. The link is here. Like everything Mike has ever written this story is excellent. Bob and I have been taping drywall. God it is such a fucking mess! If this turns out it well be some fucking miracle. There was three people approaching the gates of heaven But there was only one place left.The gate keeper asked the first man what happened to him because the one with the worst death would go inn.the first man said: A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, A man and his wife were traveling down the highway when they saw the lights of a patrol car behind them. When they pulled over, the patrol man came up to the window and said, December 18, 2009 This, I promise, well, kinda, will be the last thing that I post about the healthcare debate, maybe. I believe that Obama never intended to have the Public option in the healthcare bill. For whatever reason he didn't want that. I believe that he cynically used it to bring in progressives and being one of those and realizing that I've been used I can't ever view this guy in the same way. To me, now, he just one more scam artist. I mean, at least I know where the Republicans are coming from. You know that they'd sell you into slavery for a quarter so you never let your guard down. I just didn't expect it from him but from now on I will. You know, when there is someone you trust and then you find out that you're just being played...that's not a good thing. December 17, 2009 I made pasta Amatriciana yesterday. It was indeed good. It's hard to imagine so few ingredients making something that good but there you go. Essentially it's pasta with a sauce that is bacon and romano cheese flavored. Nothing wrong with that. I have been rereading "Shane" by Vlista. It's one of my favorite stories. In the unlikely event that you haven't read it or would like to reread it, here's the link. http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/highschool/shane/ December 16, 2009 I have no doubt that the last few Democrats who are holdouts on the healthcare bill will ultimately fold and we will have pulled defeat from the jaws of victory once again. I believe that in the mid-term elections the Republicans will take this healthcare bills and beat us to death with it. I really think that we'll lose control of both houses. We are so clueless and dickless that we don't deserve to run things. We caved on regulation of the Banks and now we've caved to the insurance companies. The insurance companies will now have 30,000,000 new customers who will HAVE TO BUY from them and who will be assisted in that by us. The insurance companies don't have to do anything that might upset them because, well, we wouldn't want that. I believe that you should follow the money to find out what is really happening and that makes me wonder how much Obama is being paid and how. A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. One day a man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. There were three guys in a bar. Two are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives. The third remains silent. December 16, 2009 It really makes you wonder who is wearing the white hats.
December 15, 2009 I've always loved this dance routine with Fred Astaire and Rita Hayworth. Astaire did this is such a restained masculine way. Well, about as masculine as it could be and you can really see what a good dancer Rita was. She came from a family of dancers so I suppose that should be expected.
December 15, 2009 I'm to angry about my fellow fucking Democrats to think clearly so I'll just put up some jokes.
Your momma so stupid I'd ask her what kind of jean am I wearing? You mama is so fat when we went to the beach the whales sang, "We are family." Yo mama so stupid someone said Christmas was around the corner and she went looking for it. YO MAMA SO STUPID SHE PUT LIPSTICK ON HER FOREHEAD TO MAKE UP HER MIND.
Yo mamma so fat and scary, godzilla watches "yo mamma" movies! Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
Paddy got a job as a road line-painter. He paints 5 miles on the first day, 2 miles on the second day and 1 on the third day. There is woman at a mental hospital that are told to go out into the world and find out something new about it. December 15, 2009 The Obama administration has become a huge disappointment. At this moment I don't feel like I could ever vote for him again. I don't believe that they ever wanted the public option in healthcare and now they've dumped it. Regulation of the Bankers? Oh no, we couldn't really do that, not in any meaningful way. Gay issues? Trust us, we'll do it someday. I'll continue to vote for Feingold here in Wisconsin because he's got balls but there is no point in voting for a Democrat for President because they all seem to be sans nuts. December 14, 2009 Have you ever eaten Pasta Amatriciana? No, neither have I. But every Italian, real Italian chef, seems to say that this is the iconic Italian pasta dish. The thing is that the recipe doesn't look that interesting. There are very few ingredients. Basically it's onion, tomatoes, flavored with smoked hog jowl and cheese and not even very much hog jowl and then mixed with pasta. So someday this week I'm going to make it to find out what all the fuss is about. The problem is that this is hard to make for one person and Bob would never eat this. But today I finally found a small can of tomatoes that ought to work. So, experimenting I will go. There's a guy at the gym that I've been watching. Nice looking and pretty good body and today after his shower he got dressed into construction worker clothes. You know those brown insulated pants, boots and then a jacket with the name of a construction company on the back of it. I almost came. I'd like to think that on their lunch break construction workers take turns giving each other massages.
One day, a priest was walking through a forest, when he came upon a pond. On the pond was a lily-pad, and on the lily-pad was the saddest frog the priest had ever seen! A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented. A lawyer died and was standing in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "you can't come in here... you have to go to the other place". But the lawyer was really good and pleaded his case to the point where St. Peter said, "OK... here's what I'll do. You will spend the same amount of time in hell as you did on earth, and then you can spend the rest of eternity up here." The lawyer figured this wasn't too bad of a deal, so he said "OK". St. Peter said, "Great... I'll see you in 350 years.". The lawyer said, "But, how is that possible... I'm only 65 years old!". St Peter said, "We go by billing hours". December 13, 2009 You know, it is always always always always about the money. I was really hoping that Obama was smarter than this. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/13/opinion/13dowd.html?_r=1 What follows is a rant about religion and God and if that irritates or bores you just skip it. I still love you and would probably suck your dick no matter what you believe. I may not believe in God but I do believe in you. This is not related to the above, well the Maureen Dowd thing, but then again it kinda is. I was remembering when I was a little kid, like eight or nine and I had come to realize that the whole Santa thing was total bullshit. It became obvious to me pretty quickly that even though it was bullshit that all the adults really wanted me to continue to believe it and so I played along and went throught the motions. After a year or two more, like most kids, I couldn't take it anymore and dropped the pretense. It seems to me that "God" is the same way. Everyone knows that it's bullshit but it makes people feel better and more a part of things so they continue to pretend. And then you build up this whole class of people who make their living shovelling the bullshit so they've got no reason to call a halt to it and the more fighting there is between religions just kinda makes it better because we humans love to do that to each other and to choose sides and shit. It makes you wonder why they send us to school to learn that two and two is four when they don't want that information used much. December 12, 2009 Just some stuff I like. Jazz is good for you. You should listen.
A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knocking' mate, there's no paper in this one either." 4 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not. A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on a donkey. He is not hungry or thirsty, because he has a bottomless bowl of fruit. He wanders for about a week and eventually gets pretty horny. He gets to the point where he can't stand it anymore. Joe is on his last day at work as a mailman. Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, dear?" December 11, 2009 The gym was nice this morning. Full of hot men bending over naked to pick things up. Stey Bash is sitting in a bar drinking some alcohol. A man in a pub asks for a beer.
A man walks into a a bar, drinks a couple of beers, and prepares to leave. The bartender tells him he owes $8.
A man goes to a bar says, "Barman drinks on me to you the owner and everybody else in here!" December 10, 2009 I made split pea soup today. Usually this is made with ham but as I didn't have that I made it with beef. As I think that I've mentioned in the past split pea soup is immortal. If you make two quarts of pea soup and eat a couple of cups of it and put the rest in the frig, tomorrow it will be a solid block. It will take at least a quart of water to make it edible and at the end of the day, even after you've eatin some, you'll have more than you started with. At the end of a week you'll have to start giving it away just have room in the frig for things like eggs and butter. December 10, 2009 It's insanely cold here today. Three degrees fahrenheit which in celsius is...ah...pretty fucking cold. It's also pretty windy so that makes the wind chill like nuts. It's so cold I'm drinking tea. Irish Breakfast Tea. I guess if you live in Ireland this is what you have every morning. I think it would be hard for me to give up coffee for tea but then I guess you like what you grew up with. I just got back from the post office. I had to mail a package to Canada. Why can I ship that package anywhere in the U.S. for five bucks but if I send it to Canada it's like twenty dollars? We need to merge Canada and the US so I have fewer problems when I sell something on Ebay. I don't even care what we call the new country. We could call it Canada Plus. That'd be fine with me. Or maybe The United States of North America. As long as we keep our way of selling booze and wine and not theirs. Hmmm. Less than a hundred years ago my grandfather was living in Canada. It'd be an easy transition. Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with the Doberman said to his friend, "Let's go over to that bar and get something to drink." The guy with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us." Back in the early twenties, organ grinders used to go into bars with their pet monkeys and entertain the customers for tips. This particular grinder walks into a bar with his pet monkey and states that he can play any tune that they want to hear. With that, he perches the monkey on the end of the bar, and the monkey is hopping down the bar, when it plops his ass on top of a drunk's glass. The drunk yells, "Shay, old man, duh yah know your monkeys got his ass in my beer?" Jack and Tom, are having a beer in a saloon when a cowboy walks in with an Indian's head under his arm. He hands it to the bartender, and the bartender hands him money. The bartender turns to them and says, "I hate Indians. Last week they burnt my barn to the ground and killed my wife and three kids. Anybody brings me the head of an Indian, I'll give them a thousand bucks." Jack and Tom guzzle their beers and leave to go hunt Indians. After a while, they finally spot one. Jack throws a rock, it hits him on the head, the Indian falls off his horse, and rolls seventy feet down a ravine. The two cowboys make their way down the ravine and Tom pulls out his knife to claim their trophy. Jack says, "Tom, take a look at this." Tom says, "Not now, I'm busy." Jack says, "I really think you should have a look." Tom says, "Asshole, can't you see I'm busy? I've got a thousand dollars in my hand." Jack says, "Please, Tom, take a look." Tom looks up at the top of the ravine, and there's five thousand Indians standing there. Tom says, "Fuck! We're gonna be millionaires!" A man that was drinking all day goes into a bar. He demands a beer and is denied. Yet he keeps asking the bartender. Finally the bartender grabs him and throws him out. Another man is walking by and the man who was thrown out stops him. He says hey I'll bet you 100 dollars that I'm Jesus Christ. The man walking by laughs at him and says make it 500 dollars and you got yourself a bet. The man claiming to be Jesus says come with me into this bar and I'll prove it. So they walk in and sit down at the bar. Suddenly the bartender comes from the back of the bar and sees the man he threw out. Angrily the bartender looks toward the man he just threw out and says Jesus Christ I told you to stay out of here. The man walking by looks amazed and pays the man his 500 dollars.
December 9, 2009 Snow...lots and lots more to come too. This snow is also really wet so the snowblower doesn't really handle it so well. I did our neighbors driveway too and she made me muffins. They're in the eighties so shovelling snow is about out of the question. She makes good muffins though. This guy doesn't deserve muffins...well, yet anyway. He's been bad.
A monkey goes into a bar and asks the barman:
A man walks into a bar and notices his friend sitting alone staring at a tiny man on the table playing the piano.
December 8, 2009 Before I forget it again, Conquista De Argentina, a Torrontes from Argentina, cheap and quite good. I think it's $5.69 a bottle here. I'm hunting for a cheap Reisling from Australia. Their Reislings are supposed to be dry and very good but the only ones that I've found are relatively expensive. The search goes on. We have a massive snow storm headed our way. It's supposed to hit tonight. Maybe Bob'll stay home tomorrow so he can play with the snowblower. That'd be good. A bear walks into a bar an says to the bar tender, "I would like a bourbon and...... a coke." The bar tender says "What's up with the big pause?" The bear said "I've had them all my life" A man walks into a bar, orders the bartender for two beers. He continues this for several nights and the bartender got a bit curious. The bartender walks up to him and asks "Sir, why do you always ask for two drinks?" the man replies, "I used to come here with my best friend but now he's dead. And I'm drinking the second beer on his behalf." A few days later, the man orders only for 1 beer. Curious, the bartender asks him," why only 1 beer now sir?" man replies, "I have given up drinking!" A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. Man walks into a bar, has a seat and asks for two double shots. He knocks one back and tosses the second into his vest pocket. This goes on for about a dozen rounds before the bartender says, "Excuse me, but I'm curious as to why you knock back one drink and toss the other into your vest pocket?" The man says, "That's none of your damn business." A mouse pops out of the vest pocket and yells." And that goes for your damn cat too!" Two guys in a bar are watching the TV. There is a news report about a man who threatens to jump off a 5 story building unless the cops give him 3000 dollars. One guy at the bar says to the other: "I bet you 100 bucks the guy jumps". The other guy takes the bet, and the guy on the TV ends up jumping. The guy hands over the $100, but the winner gives it back, saying that he had already seen the guy jump on the earlier showing. The loser says "Well I saw it too but I didn't think he would jump again"
December 7, 2009 We're supposed to get 8 to 12 inches tomorrow night. Of snow. Well. of course. Maybe it'll melt before I have to shovel it. I'm running out of pictures. I had a lot of them on a hard drive that got formatted.
December 6, 2009 I was standing in the kitchen cooking something when Leo jumped up on the counter next to me. It was his first time and he got a totally panicked look on his face and jumped down and ran away. I felt like a father who had just come across his teenage son's videos on Xtube, which is to say that I had mixed emotions about the whole thing. I mean on the one hand it was inevitable and I'm kinda happy that he did it so well but on the other hand I know that it's going to lead to problems. December 5, 2009 I've been looking for an ergonomic office chair to ease my bad back and I almost ordered a Humanscale Freedom chair from Amazon but fortunately at the last moment I decided to go into downtown Milwaukee, what they call here The Third Ward, and actually try one. Good thing I did because it didn't work for me. The Herman Miller chairs were better but they don't have head rests so the hunt continues. My sinus' have their knickers in a twist today so I feel like poop. But Bob and I have finished our Saturday cleaning and shopping so maybe there will be a chance for a blow job. If you really really really want to hear Christmas Carols click here and here and here.
December 4, 2009 I went to the dentist and had my teeth cleaned today. I hate it. I hate having anything strange in my mouth unless it's...well, you know. And it definitely wasn't that. I can't believe how well Dreamweaver and everything else works if you don't have Internet Explorer running. Even after I had really stopped using it I was still in the habit of starting the program but now I've removed all the shortcuts so that I won't even start it accidentally. I bought myself a bottle of Palo Alto Sauvignon Blanc from Chile the other day. At $9.69 it was a lot more than I usually spend but it was excellent. So if ten bucks is your starting point for wine purchases you might want to give it a try. Jokes, Two blonde carpenters were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in. The other, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?" The first explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed toward me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it in!" The second blonde got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!" A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed. The lawyer for the defendant was trying to discredit him and asked him how far away he was from the accident. The carpenter replied, "Twenty-seven feet, six and one-half inches." "What? How come you are so sure of that distance?" asked the lawyer. "Well, I knew sooner or later some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!" replied the carpenter. Top Ten Things You Wouldn't Know Without Movies
Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp. After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you." The first said, "I wish I were smarter." So, she became a redhead. The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than she is." She became a brunette. The third blond ordered, "I wish I were smarter than both of them!" So, she became a man. Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs? Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours? Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs? Q: How does a blonde commit suicide? 
December 3, 2009 Unbearably cute.
December 3, 2009 From Lynda.
December 3, 2009 It is a dark dreary cold day here today and there have been flurries all day, nothing major but supposedly there is a heavier snow on the way. Weirdly this program, Dreamweaver, seems to be working all right today. Why the hell would that be? Maybe because I haven't started Internet Explorer yet today. Wanna see how abosolutely dreadful the weather in Wisconsin is? Here's a construction cam in at the university in Madison, Wisconsin. It's snowing there and is probably headed our way. http://unionsouth1.doit.wisc.edu/view/index.shtml During the day you can watch the construction workers.
Q. Did you hear about how quick the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? Q. Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing? Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? Q. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Q. Where do you find a no legged dog? Q. Where do you get virgin wool from? Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play? Q. What does Star Trek and toilet paper have in common? Q. How do you double the value of a Geo Metro? Q. What's the definition of mixed emotions? Q. Why do chicken coops have two doors? You should always give 100% at work... Q. What do you call a cow with no legs? Q. What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? Q. Did you hear about the new "divorced" Barbie doll that they're selling in stores now? Q. What does a skeleton get when he goes to a bar?
December 2, 2009 I was wondering today why no one has remade "Are You Being Served" in an American version. I was also wondering why no one ever made a television series out of Lawrence Sander's Archie McNally books. Or why so far no one has done a remake of Columbo with some hot youngish stud. I've found a new author that I like a lot, Robert Crais. Well, he's not new but he's new to me. His detective, Elvis Cole is a very nice character and Elvis's occasional sidekick Joe Pike is also good. So far I've read The Watchman and now I'm on Chasing Darkness.
Now the jokes. Three women left separately after a very late night out drinking Guinness until the early hours. They met the next day for an early pint, and compared notes about who had been the most drunk. After a heavy night at the pub, a drunken man decides to sleep off his drunkenness at a local hotel. He approaches the reception desk, takes care of the formalities and heads off to his suite. Several minutes later, the drunk staggers back to the reception desk and demands his room be changed. "But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel." "I insist on another room!!!" said the drunk. "Very good, sir. I'll change you from 502 to 525. Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk. "Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire." A woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this guy, whom she notices is feeling a little bit queasy. A few minutes go buy and the guy looks at her and blows his chunks. He looks down and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vomit and says, "Whoa, I don't remember eating that!" One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!". After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
December 1, 2009 Chapter 3 of Protecting David-The Brothers has been posted and you can read it here. December 1, 2009 I need someone who really understands Windows. My problem is concerning two programs, Internet Explorer and Dreamweaver. Both of these programs take forever to come up and then when typing in them it's like trying to walk through mud, it's like a half a second before the key stroke registers on the page, like a delay. I've turned off the anti-virus program for Dreamweaver thinking that might help but it doesn't and I haven't been able to get any help from Adobe. So what do they have in common that could be affecting them both. Nothing else seems to be affected. Any ideas would be appreciated. I've uninstalled and reinstalled and even changed the operating system but nothing seems to help. Jokes. As you can see numbers 98 -102.
November 30, 2009 The late very great Rosemary Clooney with a fantastic band.
November 30, 2009 This is really cute.
November 30, 2009
Peter complains to the cook because the meat is tough. A drunk wavers into a bar and wants to order a glass of beer. The barkeeper tells him that he is too drunk for getting alcohol and that he should vanish. Thereupon, the drunk leaves the bar. However, he enters the bar again via the side entrance. He wants to orders a glass of beer again and the barkeeper tells him again that he is too drunk for getting alcohol and that he should vanish. Shortly afterwards, the drunk is entering the bar via the back door. He wants to order a glass of beer again. The barkeeper is getting really angry. Before he throws the drunk out of the bar, the drunk asks him: "In how many bars are you actually working?"
November 30, 2009 It was a Miguel day today and very nice. He has the most beautiful skin I've ever seen.
November 30, 2009 One must wonder why the Catholic church is allowed to exist at all. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/27/world/europe/27ireland.html?_r=1&partner=rss&emc=rss November 29, 2009 I made Sheperd's pie today but with turkey so I'm not sure what that makes it, turkey farmer pie maybe. I think that regular Sheperd's pie is always with lamb and Cottage Pie is with beef. I think. If I wasn't so fucking lazy I'd look it up...but, well, I am, so there's that. This program is so fucked up. I type and two seconds later the typing appears. I don't know if this is Windows fucking up or Adobe fucking up. It's like blogging in quicksand. Miguel called my cell today and said the he's gotta come over tomorrow morning or he's gonna lose his mind. It'll be good to see him again. He's an amazing fuck. November 28, 2009 Bob and I spent the morning putting up Christmas decorations. I hate Christmas but it makes him happy so I do it. So far I have been able to stop him from making the place look like a Nevada whore house but who knows how long that'll last. From John. A married man left work early one Friday, but instead of going home, he spent the weekend partying with the boys. When he finally returned home on Sunday night, his wife really got on his case and stayed on it.
A cabbie picks up a Nun. Potato Prostitute
November 26, 2009 Oink! It's always a mistake to eat that much. November 26, 2009 Tater and Leo are very excited about Thanksgiving and the turkey although Leo is having trouble believing that I killed it. When he told Tater that he didn't think that I did it Tater just rolled his eyes. It's going to be a very simple dinner, just turkey and three starches, stuffing, white potatoes and sweet potatoes. I should probably make something green but screw it. November 25, 2009 A preacher goes into a bar and says "Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up." Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner. The preacher says "My son, don't you want to go to heaven when you die?" The drunk says "When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now." After a heavy night at the pub, a drunken man decides to sleep off his drunkenness at a local hotel. He approaches the reception desk, takes care of the formalities and heads off to his suite. Several minutes later, the drunk staggers back to the reception desk and demands his room be changed. "But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel." "I insist on another room!!!" said the drunk. "Very good, sir. I'll change you from 502 to 525. Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk. "Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire." A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man replied, "130." So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, and so on. The man listened intently and thought, "This is really cool." Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man responded, "120." So the robot started talking about the super bowl, dirt bikes, and so on. The man thought to himself, "Wow, this is really cool." A third guy came in to the bar. As with the others, the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man replied, "80." The robot then said, "So, how are things in Alabama these days?" A man walks into a bar. He sees a good looking, smartly dressed woman perched on a bar stool. He walks up behind her and says: "Hi there good looking, how's it going?"
November 25, 2009 I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving!
November 25, 2009 From John.
November 24, 2009 I've never in my whole life tasted Tequila, so I bought some today. Maybe I'll try it tonight. I had no idea which one to buy so I ended up with something that says, "1800" on the label. I hope this works with Banana Raspberry KoolAid.
This guy walks into a bar with this really great shirt on. The bartender goes, "Where'd you get the great shirt mate?" The man replies, "David Jones." This 2nd guy walks into the bar with really good pants on and the bartender goes "Where'd you get the great pants mate?" The man replies, " David Jones." This 3rd guy walks into the bar with really great shoes and sock on. The bartender goes, "Where'd you get the great shoes and socks mate?" The man replies, "David Jones." Then this 4th guy runs in naked and the bartender goes, "Look Who the hell are you mate?" And the naked guy says, "I'm David Jones!" A man is in a bar and has one too many drinks. This beautiful lady sits down next to him. He turns to her and says "Hey how bout it. You and me, gettin it on. I've got a couple dollars and it looks like you could use a little money." She stands up and says, "What makes you think I charge by the inch." A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 he's willing to bet anyone who says he can't. The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks, "What's the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from coming inside?" The dog answers "ROOF." The bartender says, "Who are you kidding? I'm not paying." The dogs owner says, "How about double or nothing and I'll ask him something else". The bartender agrees and the owner turns to the dog and asks, "Who was the greatest ballplayer of all time". The dog answers with a muffled "RUTH." With that the bartender picks them both up and throws them out the door. As they bounce on the sidewalk the dog looks at his owner and says "DiMaggio?". There was once a man who was in a bar, terribly drunk. The bartender noticed this, and when he asked for another beer, the bartender politely told him that he was too drunk to be served another drink. The man leaves. He walks in the side door and asks the bartender for a beer. A little frustrated, the bartender repeats the answer he said before. The man leaves. He then comes in the other side door, walks to the bartender and asks for a beer. The bartender is annoyed, and tells the man he is too drunk and to get a ride home and leave his bar. He leaves. He then comes in the BACK door, comes the the bartender, and before he can say a word, the bartender explodes at him. "I told you already, you are way to drunk, you can not have another beer! Get out of my bar!" Disgruntled, the man looks at the bartender and asks, "Man, how many bars do you work at?"
November 24, 2009 I totally totally totally agree with this.
November 23, 2009 A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and they proceed to get blitzed. The giraffe drinks so much it passes out on the floor. The man gets up and heads for the door to leave when the bartender yells, "Hey! You can't leave that lyin' there!" The drunk replies, "That's not a lion! It's a giraffe." The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it. A woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this guy, whom she notices is feeling a little bit queasy. A few minutes go buy and the guy looks at her and blows his chunks. He looks down and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vomit and says, "Whoa, I don't remember eating that!" A man walks into a bar, and orders a beer. As he sits there, the jar of nuts on the bar tells him what a nice shirt he is wearing. Disturbed by this, he goes to the cigarette vending machine to buy a pack of smokes. As he approaches the machine, it starts screaming and shouting at him. He runs to the bar and explains this to the barman. The barman apologizes and says "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order"!
November 22, 2009 In no small part because of the time I spend at the computer my back is bad and getting worse. So, I've decided I need a really good ergonomic chair. If you use one either at home or at the office and yours is just great, let me know which brand it is. November 22, 2009 Something led me to this. I think it's the Queen's anniversary today. But anyway, looking at this you have to be in awe of whoever is in charge of keeping this place running. I mean it's difficult enough when a house is a few decades old but a thousand years or so, wow. I hope this link works. You probably have to zoom in to make sense of it. Oh, I didn't say but this is Windsor Castle. This really speaks to the value of preventive maintenance doesn't it. So often we build things without much thought to the cost of maintaining them. I have been using Google Chrome a lot lately as a web browser and let me just say that I was wrong to say early on the it was a piece of crap because clearly I just didn't understand it. It is really fast and it really makes me wonder how Microsoft can last. It seems like they just get farther and farther behind the curve. If Google's operatiing system is any good at all and my guess is that it will be, then Microsoft is in deep trouble. And sadly, I haven't seen any glimmer that they know how to get out of trouble. November 21, 2009 A comment that is apropos of pretty much nothing at all. I hate those old cast iron frying pans. You know, the black nasty ones that everyone says are so wonderful and that you should treasure. They always stick, always always always and IMO cast iron is way overrated in its ability to hold heat, and what the hell does that mean anyway? And if by holding heat they mean that it doesn't tansfer heat easily than you should buy those glass pots and pans because glass transfers heat even less well than cast iron. Now maybe if your talking porcelain coated cast iron, but still, I'll take a thick aluminum pan with a good teflon coating any day of the week. Sometimes boys behave badly and they MUST be punished.
And sometimes not.
November 20, 2009 Mike asked for wine ideas for Thanksgiving so these are mine. The only wine here that is more than like six bucks is the Mark West Pinot Noir. It seems like Pinot is always more expensive and a really good one would probably be $15. The Mark West has been running about $9 here in Milwaukee and that price is down from about $11 a year ago. Turkey has a fairly distinctive taste so a light red, like a Pinot, would probably work with it although my first choice would be one of the whites all of which are under six bucks here. A more expensive but really good white would be the Joel Gott Sauvignon Blanc that I had recently. I only paid $8 for that but I think that generally it's more than that. The Santa Alicia Malbec is a heavier red for people who are maybe having lamb or roast beef for the holiday. The wall behind the wine is the drywall that we just put up in the basement. Obviously there is a lot left to do. The Santa Rita 120 is a Sauvignon Blanc, the Trapiche is a Torrontes from Argentina and the Falling Star is a blend of Saugvignon Blanc and Viognier.
From Rock. Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until one day he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it. Sandra stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family before we go in.' 'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who Says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.' 'No problem,' he says. And in they go. Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a Huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word. So he reaches over and fondles her breasts. Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. He looks at her mom.. 'She's got a great body,' he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table. Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, Total silence. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket... Suddenly the father shouted....'I'll do the f****** dishes!!! From John. A virile, middle aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman.
November 19, 2009 I bought a turkey today, twenty-two pounds. I went over to the other side of town because they were having a special sale on them and I would save twenty-two cents a pound over what I would pay at our supermarket here. But to get that price you also had to spend an extra $25 on other stuff. The store was really crappy and didn't have wine so it took me forty minutes to find all that stuff and then the checkout line was a half hour long and when I was almost ready to checkout I noticed that there was a tear in the pllastic cover over the turkey so I figured that maybe germs had gotten in and were breeding so I ended up putting it all back and coming back to the really great store that's a block from my house and paid 59 cents a pound instead of 38 cents a pound. Which is what I should have done to begin with. What a pain in the ass! I'm an idiot.
November 19, 2009 From Rock. My Twitter Won't Tweet! From John. 5 Surgeons November 18, 2009 From John. The Deaf Bookkeeper Irish Coffee From Rock. A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him. Bet you thought this was going to be a tear jerker. Don't trust Little Old Ladies!!! November 17, 2009 It is really cold here today. The thermometer says mid forties but it feels much colder than that. It won't be long now.
One sunny day in Ireland, two men were sitting in a pub, drinking some Guinness, when one turns to the other and says "You see that man over there? He looks just like me! I think I'm gonna go over there and talk to him." So, he goes over to the man and taps him on the shoulder. "Excuse me sir," he starts, "but I noticed you look just like me!" The second man turns around and says "Yeah, I noticed the same thing, where you from?", "I'm from Dublin", second man stunned says, "Me too! What street do you live on?", "McCarthy street", second man replies, "Me too! What number is it?", the first man announces, "162", second man shocked says, "Me too! What are your parents names?", first man replies, "Connor and Shannon", second man awestruck says, "Mine too! This is unbelievable!" So, they buy some more Guinness and they're talking some more when the bartenders change shifts. The new bartender comes in and goes up to the other bartender and asks "What's new today?" "Oh, the Murphy twins are drunk again." A guy named Benny is sitting in a bar mouthing off that he knows everybody. So his buddy bets $10 the next person to walk in the bar didn't know him. Somebody walks in the bar and says "Hey Benny what's up?" so the guy then bets him $100 he doesn't know the first person they see outside walking down the street. So they go outside and see some coming up to the bar and says "Hey Benny how are things going?". Flustered the guy bets him $500 he doesn't know the President. So they drive up to the white house and the security guard says "Benny you know you can't just show up here like this." Then a limo pulls up with the president in it and he rolls down the window and says "Hey Benny how have you been?" So then he bets him $1000 he doesn't know the Pope. So they take a plane down to Rome and he says" Ok now watch up there on that balcony I'm gonna come out there with the Pope." So he goes up there and looks down to see his friend pass out. He goes down there and says "Are you that surprised that I know the Pope?" he goes "No somebody walked behind me and said who's that guy up there with Benny!"
November 16, 2009 Nothing memorable happened today. I traded all day, made some money, had a fairly boring dinner. But here's some jokes. Two old drunks in a bar. The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with either of my hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. "By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand" "So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?" "Well," says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!" One night a man was getting very drunk in a pub. He staggered back to take a piss, whipping his prick out as he went in the door. However, he had wandered into the ladies room by mistake, surprising a woman sitting on the can, "This is for ladies!" she screamed. The drunk waved his dick at her and said "So is this!" One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. A koala walks into a bar one night, slams his paw down on the table, and orders a drink. When he's done, slam goes his paw again for more. This goes on for about half an hour, and just when he was going to do it again, the barkeep told him if he was looking for a good time, there was some one in the back room who could help him, the koala decides why not and goes into the back room. There he meets a prostitute who is waiting for him. That night he has the best sex he has ever had. After the prostitute turns to the koala and says, "How about my money," the koala looked confused and the prostitute brought out a dictionary and it said...PROSTITUTE: Has sex for money. So in response the koala turn to the definition for the koala and it says. KOALA: Eats bush and leaves.
November 15, 2009 Jamie Cullum.
November 15, 2009 I'm not generally a fan of Sinatra wannabe's but these guys, one Brit and one German, do a much better job of it than most.
November 15, 2009 I had a great meal today. Chicken breast pounded out and coated with Dijon mustard and then sauted, lobster ravioli with a sauce made of cream, chopped mushrooms, parmesan cheese and Marsala wine and then some squash. And the rest of that bottle of Joel Gott Sauvignon Blanc. A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?" A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!” It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?" The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married." "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral." November 14, 2009 Poor Linda Ronstadt doesn't hold up too well when compared to Rosemary Clooney.
November 14, 2009 Woodman's Supermarkets here in Wisconsin are absolutely the very best place to buy wine in the entire state. I bought an American Sauvignon Blanc by Joel Gott, which is quite good by the way, for $8 a bottle and this morning saw it in my regular supermarket for $14.99. It's a very nice wine but would have to come with a ten inch dick to be worth $14.99. Speaking of ten inch dicks. Decisions, decisions, decisions.
November 13, 2009 Still sick with all the same old boring crap. Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls. They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!" There is a guy. His favorite bar is called 'Sally's Legs'. The bar is closed, so he waits outside for it to open. He was waiting a long time and a cop got suspicious, came over to him, and asked, "What are you doing?" The guy replies, "I'm waiting for 'Sally's Legs' to open so I can get a drink." Two old drunks in a bar. The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with either of my hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. "By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand" "So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?" "Well," says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!" One night a man was getting very drunk in a pub. He staggered back to take a piss, whipping his prick out as he went in the door. However, he had wandered into the ladies room by mistake, surprising a woman sitting on the can, "This is for ladies!" she screamed. The drunk waved his dick at her and said "So is this!" One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.
November 12, 2009 I feel like poop, chills, head ache, a little dizzy and everything aches. Oh well, here's some jokes. BEER TROUBLESHOOTING SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts. SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. SYMPTOM: Floor blurred. SYMPTOM: Floor moving. SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark. SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles. SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear. SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted. SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song. After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one. The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it. The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered. The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I." A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, "what's the matter?" The fellow replies, "well I've got these two horses (sniff,sniff), and well... I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods." The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of somthing he can do. "Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?" The man stops crying and says, "that sounds like a good idea, I think I'll try it." A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before. "What's the matter now?" the bartender asks. The fellow, in no condition to be in public, answers, "I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can't tell them apart again!" The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, "why don't you try shaving the mane, maybe that will not grow back." The fellow stops crying, has a few drinks, and leaves. A few months later the fellow is back in the bar. The bartender has never seen anybody in this sorry of a state. Without the bartender even asking the fellow breaks into his problems. "I.. I shaved the (sob) mane of one of the (sniff) horses, and... it... it... grew back!" The bartenter, now furious at the guy's general stupidity, yells, "for crying out loud, just measure the stupid horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!" The fellow can not believe what the bartender has said and storms out of the bar. The next day the fellow comes running back into the bar as if he had just won the lottery. "It worked, it worked!" he exclaims. "I measured the horses and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!"
November 11, 2009 From Lynda. WHY BUY THE COW???
Question:
November 10, 2009 At two o'clock in the morning the cats were chasing each other under and over my bed. So I've been up since then. Tonight I'm locking the door. When you're trying to go back to sleep and you hear something crash someplace else in the house it's impossible to go back to sleep. A sauted a piece of bacon and then cooked butternut squash in the drippings, then sprinkled with blue cheese crumbles. Then pounded out a pork chop coated it in French mustard and fried it. It was all pretty good. Hmmm, so what do we have here? Looks to me like someone is gonna get a prostate exam.
November 9, 2009 I just installed my new Macromedia Dreamweaver program and iI'm trying to see if it works okay. So far, so good but I am distrustful of anything computer related. Hmmm. I guess it's okay. But computer programs are like cars. I'm always waiting for the next disaster. Always waiting for the guy in the blue shirt and pants and wiping his hands with a shop towel to walk out from the garage and say, "The bushing are bad, that happens with this model. Gonna cost you $568." Oh well, how about some porn? The title for this should be, "Where Do I Begin?"
November 8, 2009 I'm making progress on Protecting David-The Brothers so I've posted the first two chapters. You can start right here. Click here. November 7, 2009 A very busy day. We've been drywalling the basement since eight this morning and at the same time I've been reinstalling Windows Vista. Then, of course there are all the other programs that have to be reinstalled, including the one I'm typing on because the C drive was reformatted. And in the meantime I'm lugging 4 x 8 sheets of drywall downstairs and then cutting them. But the computer now seems back to its old self, clipping right along.
November 7, 2009 Jack Scribe, one of my favorite authors has started a new story, "Shifting Sands". I like everything he's written and you can read the new story here, http://jackscribe.gayauthors.org/sands/index.php November 6, 2009 The "Check Engine" light in my car is off and it only cost $461. (That was sarcasm.) I thnk that the government should supply people with cars. Oh and there was a coyote on our driveway this morning. That seems so strange. November 6, 2009 From both Rock and John. The commanding officer of a regiment in the U.S. Marine Corps was about to start the morning briefing to his staff, battalion and company
commanders. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing,
the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of
just how much of sex was 'work' and how much of it was 'pleasure?'
The regimental executive officer chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work. A captain said it was 50-50%. The colonel's aide responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending on his state of inebriation at the time. There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the private who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?
Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure." The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why? "Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."
From me.
An Irish man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and notices he has a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. "Hey," he says, "What's with the steering wheel down your pants?" "Ach," says the Irish man, "it's drivin' me nuts!" Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls. They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!" There is a guy. His favorite bar is called 'Sally's Legs'. The bar is closed, so he waits outside for it to open. He was waiting a long time and a cop got suspicious, came over to him, and asked, "What are you doing?" The guy replies, "I'm waiting for 'Sally's Legs' to open so I can get a drink." Two old drunks in a bar. The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with either of my hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. "By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand" "So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?" "Well," says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!" One night a man was getting very drunk in a pub. He staggered back to take a piss, whipping his prick out as he went in the door. However, he had wandered into the ladies room by mistake, surprising a woman sitting on the can, "This is for ladies!" she screamed. The drunk waved his dick at her and said "So is this!"
November 5, 2009 Errol Garner is my all-time favorite piano player.
November 5, 2009 Windows 7 is driving me crazy. Not only is it like walking through knee deep mud but it won't let me save things in the normal way with this program. Everything is changed. I ordered a brand new copy of Adobe Dreamweaver CS and I'm hoping that helps. I may have to do a completely new install of Windows Vista over the weekend. But that means that all my programs have to be reloaded and it's a horrible pain in the ass. Here's something that could be a pain in the ass if it wasn't done right, but I got a feeling that he's doing it right.
November 3, 2009 It's really cold here today. Well hell, it's cold here every day. At least the bon marche was indeed bon today. On the negative side I'm going to have to reinstall Vista so that I can get rid of Windows 7. Typing this there is a half second lag between hitting the key and having the letter appear. It's driving me crazy. I ordered a Kindle today. I checked out the Sony and the Barnes and Noble ereaders but they charge more for their books and anyway, I really like Amazon. I gotta find my Vista disk. November 2, 2009 Geez, what a messed up day. To begin with I forgot to turn the clock back that's on my nightstand so instead of waking up at four I woke up at three. Then my back went out so I have to wear a back brace. Then I had to take Leo to the vet to get shots and he cried all the way there and back. Then the check engine light in my car came on. Then a ton of other even more boring things. Oh, and Windows 7 isn't worth crap. Everything is screwed up. Skinny Dipping…
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple, and peach trees.
Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator...'
November 1, 2009 It is really cold here this morning, below freezing but at least the sun is coming in the window.
October 31, 2009 Just because I like it.
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. There's this drunk standing out on the street corner, and a cop passes by, and says, "What do you think you're doing?" The drunk says, "I heard the world goes around every 24 hours, and I'm waiting on my house. Won't be long now, there goes my neighbor." A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar... FREE BEER! FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.
October 31, 2009 Happy Halloween! The trick-or-treaters are coming between 1 and 4...oye. Since that's the only thing that I can think of to write about at the moment I'm gonna put up Cat porn.
October 29, 2009
Playing nice with the other boys.
October 29, 2009 Okay, I promise, this'll be the last time...this year.
October 27, 2009 From Mike. Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners:
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydran 24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. 25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
October 27, 2009 From Lynda.
October 27, 2009 This is, My Not Quite Thoroughly Thought Out Opinion I think
that we need a law that says that any time the prez sends guys to war anywhere he can only do it if the draft is reinstituted. It seems like it's too easy to send other people's kids to war and you can bet that we wouldn't be in Iraq or Afghanistan if going there would have forced the draft to be revisited. ( I can't believe that I spelled Afghanistan correctly on the first try. Speaking of spelling, did you ever try to spell diaphragm? It's a bitch. As in, "My diaphragm dropped out of my purse, hit the floor...and shattered.")
October 26, 2009 Well, we had one nice day and now the weather sucks again. Nothing but cold rain and overcast skies. The best part of the day was going to the gym and six o'clock in the morning and the best part of that were a couple of hot guys in the shower. And of course when it's cold outside the hot tub is nice. October 25, 2009 Bob and I replaced a toilet today. Next to the back door is a half bath and the toilet was leaking and since it was really old we replaced. Yup, just went to Home Depot got a new one and put her in. My back is killing me. On the plus side the weather got better and so did my sinus'. October 23, 2009 I'm drinking chamomile tea. I feel like a lesbian. Well, except for the whole vagina thing. October 23, 2009 Bob is still sick and now I'm not feeling so great myself. The weather really sucks! It's in the forties and raining like crazy. It really is better to have it be freezing cold than have this semi-cold and rainy weather. On the bright side I got a new keyboard that I like a lot. A Microsoft that's curved. That really does work well. And I installed Windows 7 last night and it seems to be okay. It has a couple of features that are quite nice.
October 22, 2009 Well, I guess the good weather was only a two day affair because it's cold and rainy today. Bob is home sick with a fever that comes and goes and a need to be waited on that seems to be permanent. October 22, 2009 From John. Nancy Pelosi was touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car. Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on, and the car comes to a stop. Nancy, in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur: 'You get out and check - you were driving.'
'You were driving; go and tell the farmer,' says Nancy.
October 22, 2009 From Rock. Dear Sir,
I am writing to ask your help in locating my missing wife.
We were on a wonderful trip to Africa for our honeymoon several months ago.
On our flight back, we had a connection in England and somehow became separated.
I had her paged for several hours and then contacted local and international police to assist me in locating her.
To date, all of our attempts to find her have been unsuccessful.
I am now desperate to find my lost love and am trying to use the Internet to locate her.
Please forward this to everyone you know so I can spread the word on locating my missing wife.
Mr. Richard Small
Portland , Oregon , USA After a few weeks search .....
Dear Mr. Small, We have found your wife in Africa of all places.
However, it is unknown how she got here, nor is she able to talk because of lockjaw, but we are under the impression that she does not want to leave..
We have tried for several days to bring her back home, but she is insistent on staying here.
I have enclosed a picture for you to see that she is okay. Do not worry, because she is in good hands here in this village.
Please contact us if there is anything else you might want to know.
Nairobi Police Department
See attached photo of your lost bride Louis M. Barrie  I just received this from a head-nurse in answer to my original e-mail ... I'm not sure about all this stuff - but what the hell - it won't hurt. The thing they fail to tell us is that OLD GUYS like us had this flu when we were kids and have a certain resistance to it still. In most it's not any worse than any other flu we get from year to year. Unless there are some underlying conditions we will probably never know if its H1N1 or not.
A friend came back from the Ky-WVa area and told us that there they call it the Hini (as in hinney - the back of your front) flu. I guess when you just graduated 3rd grade it makes climbing out of the gene pool rough. If ya get it (or any flu) call your Doctor in the 1st 24 hours and get him to call in a prescription for Tamiflu and Zofran (a few phenergan suppositories won't hurt either and could actually be fun!!  ) Stock up on Power Ade, crackers and soup and ride it out. Tamiflu needs to be started within the first 48 - 72 hours to do any good.As for me - I drink lots of coffee and smoke cigars - if a bug can live through that then it's gonna get me anyway ! ! ! October 21, 2009 I finally found a Chilean winery that I don't like. I've had two different wines from Cono Sur and didn't like either one. It's turned warm here, something like 70 degrees today. I suppose that I should feel good about that but I know that it's only a tease and the end really is coming. I made pasta sauce with chicken livers today. The cookbook says that that's Roman but you couldn't prove it by me. Tasted good though. The chicken livers are very low in calories, although they are high in cholesterol. I put the sauce over penne and had the offending Cono Sur wine with it. A reisling that had absolutely no taste at all. Like drinking slightly acidic water. For the same price or even less you can buy a Trivento Torrontes from Argentino, a very nice wine indeed. October 20, 2009 I just wiped Leo’s paws off with a wet paper towel and he seems to feel that I cross some boundary. He ran away and now he’s on the other side of the room with his little paws formed into fists and sobbing. “You’re not supposed to touch my paws!!” “I just washed em. It’s only water! Your paws smelled like poop!” “Everybody’s paws smell like poop!! They’re supposed to smell like poop!! Besides, water is disgusting!” Sob. “I’m not sittin on your lap anymore!” October 20, 2009 This appeared in The Guardian newspaper. I read this and was stunned at how good it was. It wouldn't even matter if you agreed with it, just how well done it is. And fuck, I wandered from the page and now can't find it again. But I believe the writer's last name was Brooke. It has been 20 minutes since I've read her now-notorious column, and I'm still struggling to absorb the sheer scope of its hateful idiocy. It's like gazing through a horrid little window into an awesome universe of pure blockheaded spite. Spiralling galaxies of ignorance roll majestically against a backdrop of what looks like dark prejudice, dotted hither and thither with winking stars of snide innuendo. Read more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/16/jan-moir-column-on-stephe_n_323964.html
October 19, 2009 Is your boyfriend ignoring you? Next time Maria Shriver is on television just innocently say, "I bet that's her original hair color!" Bob. "WHAT??? Are you fucking kidding me? That woman is so far fucking removed from her natural hair color that she couldn't find her way back with a fucking guide dog! And what is it with the shape of her head??!! You could split logs with that head!" I don't know what it is with Maria but she brings out the worst in Bob. October 19, 2009 I sauted butternut squash today. Hey that may not be a big deal to you but it's huge to me. I've never cooked it that way before. Usually I bake it or nuke it or throw it on the grill but I think this is gonna be my new favorite way of cooking it. I also made chicken marsala, well, my version of it. Okay, I know, you'd rather see dirty pictures.
October 16, 2009 Errol Garner playing Misty for you. That's like Moses reading you the ten commandments.
October 16, 2009 Bob is making cookies and he's mad because the packaging of the butter I bought from Whole Foods doesn't look exactly the same as a regular pound of butter from the supermarket he likes. I mean it's still a pound of butter devided into four quarters. But he did by me lunch so I guess I can't complain too much. Chili's. I had the the combo of Monterey Chicken and Ribs. Oink, oink. If you're wondering what to buy me for Christmas, this is it. He's fun, he's low maintenance and he's very quiet.
October 15, 2009 Nothing happened today. I mean, I traded all day, badly but other than that nothing interesting is happening. It's another very cold rainy depressing day outside which is basically autumn in Wisconsin. Even at the gym this morning I saw only two other people there and even the cats have spent the whole day sleeping. For dinner I stuffed a chicken breast with a duxelle of mushrooms and baked it. It was good but not memorable. Tomorrow though I'm roasting a large roast of pork shoulder and that oughta be good. You know, one of those roasts that has to go for like five hours. October 14, 2009 This is pretty funny. This from the funniest local ads on Huffington Post.
The guy with the fake mustache looks pretty hot.
October 14, 2009 From Rock. A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween night, when behind him he hears:
BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him. BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him. FASTER... FASTER.. BUMP... BUMP... BUMP........ He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping. clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP...... clappity-BUMP... It’s still on his heels, as the terrified man runs. Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping toward him The man screams and reaches for something… anything… but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket... and, The coffin stops. I can't remember who sent me this.
October 13, 2009 I registered for Facebook the other day for some unknown reason and now I'm getting emails telling me that people are writing stuff on my wall. I didn't even know that I had a wall. And since I've lost my password and I'm too lazy to get a new one I'll probably never know what people are writing on it. I had a really nice rose' today from Donna Paula vinyards in Argentina. It was based on the Malbec grape and was quite good. I think it was seven bucks a bottle. October 12, 2009 Winter is settling in here and it's actually colder than it should be for this time of year. In our front yard most of the leaves are off of the tree and everything just looks dreary and nasty. I haven't heard a thing from BB and I'd be willing to bet that he's already back in Florida. That boy doesn't deal well with the cold. You know those are gonna be full of sand.
I have been reading John Sandford novels lately on my Iphone using the Kindle application. I love that Kindle app! I had forgotten just how good Sandford is at writing mysteries. October 11, 2009 I know that this is just logical so why does it seem so stunning? “A million seconds is 11.5 days. A billion seconds is about 32 years. A trillion seconds is 32,000 years.” How about some Ben Sharkey. There's something about this guys voice that I find compelling. Nice looking too.
October 9, 2009 I've started writing the next installment of the Protecting David saga (gee I hate the word saga) The Brothers and I'd like to apologize in advance to anyone who has ever attended the University of Wisconsin at Madison for the liberties that I will no doubt take with the physical layout of the place. If you go to school there or work there and would like to warn me of anything that I really shouldn't miss please feel free to do just that. It's a nasty freakin day out with ice cold rain and not a trace of sun. I'm drinking a nice hot cup of Earl Gray tea.
October 8, 2009 Who would think that a creature that has been alive for only three and a half months and could fit in palm of your hand could get into soooooo much trouble. Lamps have fallen, plants have been uprooted, desks have been pillaged.
October 8, 2009 The weather is beginning to get seriously cold and Saturday night I think that it's supposed to go down to freezing. I guess this was inevitable. Is that spelled correctly? Oh well. From Rock. I just had a call from a Charity
asking me to donate some of my clothes
to the starving people throughout the world.
I told them to get lost !!!!!
Anybody who fits into my clothes ain't starving!!
From now on when I can't think of anything to write I'm gonna post porn.
Okay, I guess that's only porn if you're a watch collector. Here's the other stuff.
October 7, 2009 We had a huge wind storm last night. I don't know how heavy they were but they were pretty bad. That usually means that the weather is changing. It's probably gonna get worse. October 7, 2009 This is good.
From Rock.
October 6, 2009 A bit more Errol Garner with "I'll Remember April."
From Lynda.
October 5, 2009 The late great Errol Garner with "Will You Still Be Mine."
October 5, 2009 Outside the leaves are falling like rain. Every time the wind blows there's another downfall. For the last few days Tater and Leo have been making their Halloween costumes. Tater is gonna be the cat from Dr. Seuss and Leo, ironically, is gonna be Mickey Mouse. They're having a really hard time sewing because, well, no thumbs. I got a feeling that I'm gonna have to do it for them in the end. From Rock.
October 3, 2009 This is out of date but cute.
October 3, 2009 From Rock. As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember
1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called ........ 'Ministers Do More Than Lay People'
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink
And be Mary..
3. The difference between the Pope and Your boss,
the Pope only expects you To kiss his ring.
4. My mind works like lightning, One brilliant
Flash and it is gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to
Your door is if you're in the bathroom.
6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once.
The seat folded up, the drink spilled and
That ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
7. It used to be only death and taxes
Now, of course, there's
shipping and handling, too.
8.. A husband is someone who, after taking
the trash out, gives the impression that
he just cleaned the whole house.
9 My next house will have no kitchen - just
Vending machines and a large trash can.
10. A blonde said, 'I was worried that my
Mechanic might try to rip me off.
I was relieved when he told me all
I needed was turn signal fluid.'
11. Definition of a teenager?
God's punishment...for enjoying sex.
12. As you slide down the banister of life, may The splinters never point the wrong way...
Be who you are and say what you feel... because those that matter... don't mind...and those that mind...don't matter!
October 3, 2009 It's Saturday evening and time to relax with some music. I really like Rosemary Clooney. Actually every word of the original Protecting David story was written listening to her.
October 2, 2009 Here's an article by David Brooks that makes a lot of sense. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/02/opinion/02brooks.html?_r=2&em Republicans need to start building a party that isn't dependent on wingnuts and we Democrats need to understand that not every Republican is a clown like Glenn Beck. October 2, 2009 I am really terrible at uploading pics so I hope I don't screw this up. Pics aside, yesterday was a lousy day in the market but today totally made up for it so go figure. Another fantastic thing that I got at Trader Joe's yesterday was their Boysenberry preserves. These are really good and taste more like homemade than anything I've found. I bought a bunch of old sweatshirts from Goodwill today and they also had a brand new Banana Republic shirt with the tags still on it for $2.99. Once the weather starts to get cold I pretty much just wear jeans and sweatshirts and I like the sweatshirts to be oversized and well worn. So, for two or three bucks a piece I get them at Goodwill. They're all broken in and if I screw one up I can just pitch it. But I'm still amazed at the brand new things that people give away. Well, at least they don't throw it out. October 2, 2009 From David.
October 2, 2009 From Rock.
October 1, 2009 I bought a box of thousand layer crackers from Trader Joe's today. My lord those are good! Anyone ever try them? October 1, 2009 We Democrats are so fucked up. If the Republicans had the control that we, in theory, have, they wouldn't have had any problem getting anything passed that they wanted. If Obama thinks that he's going to get healthcare reform passed that mandates that people either buy a plan or pay a fine and he doesn't offer them a public option, that will be the end of this administration. I really think that if you told people that they were going to get a good public option and that it would cost a couple of percent increase in their taxes that they'd do it. This can't be this complicated. If for some crazy reason you want to see last months Blog postings just click on the link below. Oh and just in case you missed this the other twenty-five times I've posted it here it is again.
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