May 10, 2008 Yesterday the doctor told me that I have very nice feet, very healthy. Of course he was rubbing his crotch against them at the time but still, I think that's a valid opinion. Okay, maybe not actual rubbing but there definitely was crotch to toe contact. He wears boxers. I know, I know....don't ask.

May 9, 2008 Well, I just got rid of Windows Live One Care and now everything seems to be working. At least for the moment. Actually, that kinda makes me horny.

May 9, 2008 Had my cholesterol done this morning. It's 153 without fasting. I know, thrilling.

May 9, 2008 This site is totally fucked up and I have no clue what I'm doing. This is gonna give me a heart attack.

May 5, 2008 I really have been getting the most extraordinary fucking done lately. No, BB's not back yet. But the stud that's been filling his time slot has got the most amazing ass on two continents. And a really great cock too. Although the other occupants of this building have been giving me odd looks because...well...DD is a screamer;-) Really, the most amazing ass!

May 4, 2008 The latest chapter of The Good Doctor is up. Click here.

May 4, 2008 Well, no matter how much your life sucks at least you're not a Yahoo shareholder. And if you are, you have my sympathies. Believe me, been there, done that and if you wanna trade war stories, I'm your guy. If I was a Yahoo shareholder I'm not sure what I'd do. I probably wouldn't sell at the open. I'd probably hope it bounced. Then I'd try to get close enough to Jerry Yang to kick him in the balls.

May 2, 2008 I was up at two in the morning screaming, literally, with a leg cramp. That has gotta be the worst pain you can experience. If you can survive a leg cramp the rest is easy. Is there ANY way to prevent them??????????????????????????????????????????????

May 1, 2008 My sinus' are playing fast and loose with my health so I went to the doctor today and when they weighed me I was 184 dressed. And I remember that that was my weight when I was there six months ago. So I asked the nurse to check what my weight was on previous visits and it's been 184 for like the last three visits. That means that all the stressing that I do over my weight is like a total joke.

Speaking of doctors, I really think that prostate exams should be mandatory and you shouldn't have to beg for them. I am, however, willing to negotiate on who gives them. In the case of my doctor's office I'd be perfectly willing to have the hunky maintenance man give me mine and report the results to the doctor. That is if he couldn't tell from my screaming, Harder!! Fuck me harder!!

Of course there was also I guy in the waiting room that would have worked too. You know, blond, broad shoulders, packed Levi's.

April 30, 2008 I read an interview with Hugh Laurie in which he says that he loves everything about religion except the god part. I agree. The tradition is just fine but when they get into the rest they lose me. Simply not credible. It's a little like as children we reach the point where we no longer believe in Santa Claus but continue to pretend to because we know how happy it makes everyone else. But it's a bit like a joke carried too far. Some of the other people in on it have begun to believe it. We really are chimps at heart.

April 29, 2008

This little old lady calls 911. When the operator answers she yells, "Help, send the police to my house right away! There's a damn Democrat on my front porch and he's playing with himself." "What?" the operator exclaimed. "I said there is a damn Democrat on my front porch playing with himself and he's weird; I don't know him and I'm afraid! Please send the police!" the little old lady repeated. "Well, now, how do you know he's a Democrat?" "Because, you damn fool, if it was a Republican, he'd be screwing somebody!"

How big is Bill Clinton's Penis? Not as big as Hillary's

Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?" "I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests." "I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you prepared spiritually?" "Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."

What goes: Clip Clop Clip Clop BANG Clipidy Clop Clipidy Clop? An Amish drive-by shooting.

Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly? The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiing."

April 28, 2008

Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He goes: "Not in a row!"

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said. "No. I hate myself now."

I went to my doctor and told him "my penis is burning." He said, "That means somebody is talking about it."

A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident. "Douchebag!" the father yells. A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son. "Your father just said a bad word," he says. "I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?" His son looks at him and says: "Too late, douchebag."

TV commercials now show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.

I was thrown out of NYU. On my metaphysics final, they caught me cheating. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. (Woody Allen)

April 26, 2008 I usually go to bed at 11:00 but David, my cat, doesn't come with me. He roams around for a couple of hours and usually comes into the bedroom around 2:00. Then about half the time he'll climb under the covers and lay pressed up against my stomach to sleep. How does he breathe? I have a really thick comforter that I use and I can't see how he's able to get any air. But he just lays there like a little blast furnace and happy as a clam.

One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found 3 eggs and 10,000 dollars. A little bit suspicious, she confronted her husband of twenty years about it.

"Oh, that," Frank said. "Every time I cheated on you, I put an egg in this box." Sue was a bit unhappy about this, but figured that 3 affairs over twenty years wasn't so bad.

"But what about the 10,000 dollars?"

"Every time I got a dozen, I sold them."

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground, when he finally gets himself to the doctor.

He says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancée is still a virgin in every way."

The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."

So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art.

The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them.

She says, "You are my FIRST, no one has ever touched these breasts."

He whips down his pants and says... " Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"

April 25, 2008 The latest Protecting David is posted. Click here.

April 25, 2008 Hopefully I'll be posting the next chapter of Protecting David later this evening.

In the meantime:

A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs.

She went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find her husband,
crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked him. "Remember when your father caught us fooling around when you were 16?" he replied. "And remember, he said, I had two choices: I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison."

Baffled, she said, "yes, I remember. So?"

"Well...I would have gotten out today!"

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.

"Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich."

*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

"And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess."

*** POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman.

"Your third wish?" asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. "Ooh - can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks.

*** POOF ***

There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, "Bet you're sorry you had me neutered."

April 24, 2008 Yesterday someone very kindly sent me a recipe for scones. I printed it out, I really did but this morning I couldn't find it. So I went back to my email to reprint it but Yahoo mail was down. But I thought, "Recipes? We don't need no stinkin recipes!" Needless to say, I fucked it up. It came out somewhere between a pancake and a cookie. Maybe a bit more pancake than cookie and I could actually hear what Bob was gonna say.

"Why do you do these things? Why can't you just listen? You do this all the time! Now you've wasted all those ingredients." Basically, "Blah----Blah Blah Blah----Blah Blah-----Blah Blah Blah." He is right but it's not like I'm gonna learn from my mistakes so why even bring it up.

I mean this is how all those wonderful accidental discoveries happen, right? Okay, maybe that's pushing it. A miracle scone recipe sounds a bit far fetched. Anyway, David, who was by my side every inch of the way, thought the scone/cookie/pancakes were cool. Not so much so that he'd actually eat one but...well anyway.

They did fly well though. I pitched them like small soft Frisbie's out into the yard where the birds and squirrels could get em. It's not like they were wasted.

April 23, 2008 I think that some of the funniest people ever were the team of Nichols and May. That was Mike Nichols who is now a director and Elaine May. It's really difficult to find recording of them but I did locate some. Click on the link and hit the little microphone that says Listen To Show. Warning! This comedy is subtle. Here's the link. http://comedycollege.publicradio.org/archive/nichols_may.shtml

I love scones. They're my favorite sweet pastry like thing. But I need a good recipe, something not too sweet. I thiink that mostly in this country we make them too sweet. Anyway, if you've got a good recipe lemme know.

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air.

Marie leans over to Pierre and says: "Pierre, kiss me!" Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.


"What are you doing, Pierre?", says the startled Marie.

"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have red wine!

She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower."

Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts.

"Pierre! What are you doing?', asks the bewildered Marie.

"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have white wine!"

They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me lower!"

Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire.

Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously,

"PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!"

Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, you keep calling your wife those pet names."

Morris hung his head and whispered - "To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago!"

Three buddies decided to take their wives on vacation for a week in Las Vegas. The week flew by and they all had a great time. After they returned home and the men went back to work, they sat around at break and discussed their vacation.

The first guy says "I don't think I'll ever do that again! Ever since we got back, my old lady flings her arms & hollers, "7 come 11" all night & I haven't had a wink of sleep!"

The second guy says "I know what you mean...my old lady played blackjack the whole time we were there and she slaps the bed all night and hollers 'hit me light or hit me hard', and I haven't had a wink of sleep either!"

The third guy says "You guys think you have it bad! My old lady played the slots the whole time we were there... every morning, I wake up with a sore dingy and a butt full of quarters!

April 20, 2008 I have no clue who this woman is but this is a pretty good rendition of this song.

More John Barrowman is always a good thing.

April 19, 2008 I bought a Samsung Blackjack. I'm not sure how to get on the internet so if you've got one of these. Talk to me. (Sigh!) I really shouldn't be allowed near anything technical. If you can imagine a dog staring dumbfounded at a record player you've got an accurate picture of me with a cell phone.

In the back woods of Scotland, Ian's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.

To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said: "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.

"Whoa there Ian!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down...I think there's yet another wee one to come yet."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a bonnie lass.

"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, lad...It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor.

Then Ian scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor: "Do ye think it's the light that's attractin' them?"

In the men's bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal.

The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands...clear up to his elbows....he used 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean."

The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, "I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."

The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, "I graduated from Texas Tech University and they taught us not to piss on our hands.

Way back in the time of the samurai, there was a powerful emperor. This emperor needed a new head samurai. So, he sent out a message to everybody he knew for them to send a message to who they knew, and so forth.

A year passes, and only three people show up: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai. The emperor asks the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Japanese samurai opens up a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces! The emperor says, "That is very impressive!"

Then the emperor asks the Chinese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Chinese samurai opens up a matchbox and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOSH. WOOOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces! The emperor says, "That is really impressive!"

Then the emperor asks the Jewish samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Jewish samurai thinks, "If it works for the other two..." So the Jewish samurai walks in, opens a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSHHHH. A gust of wind fills the room, but the fly is still buzzing around. The emperor says in disappointment, "Why is the fly not dead?"

And the Jewish samurai replies, "If you look closely, you'll see that the fly has been circumcised."

April 18, 2008 For some reason I was thinking today about Chief Robert Keane. When I went into the Navy he was my first boss and was maybe the greatest guy I'd ever met. My first job in the Navy was discharging people and the Chief was in charge of that.

He never yelled at anyone. If you were doing something wrong he'd start out by telling you all the things you were doing right and then ease into the thing he wanted you to change. And he fought like hell to protect the people who worked for him. There was a young WAVE named, Blair who discharged all of the officers and one day a young Ensign was giving her a hard time and the Chief told him to quit it. Theoretically a Chief can't tell an officer to do that but our Chief did. The Ensign got all pissy and told the Chief he couldn't talk to him that way and the Chief said, "You treat somebody working for me like crap and I'll talk to you any way I want and if you don't like we can both walk over and explain it to the Captain and let hm decide who's right." The Ensign tried backing away from that but the Chief didn't let him and the Captain chewed him out. An embarrasing thing for an officer.

In those days when a gay guy was discharged with a dishonorable discharge the Navy used to send a copy of all the paperwork to the Chief of Police of the guys home town. After I'd been there a month or so I ran into my first "Gay" discharge and the Chief came over to me and looked around to see if anyone could overhear him and then said. "On these discharges you just give the third copy to me." That was the copy that I was suppose to mail to the cops. About a month later I asked him how he handled those copies. He said, "I throw em the fuck away cause I don't thing the U.S. Navy has got any business sending em to the police. These people are facing enough shit as it is."

Geez I loved that guy.

April 17, 2008 Again, thanks to everyone who has signed up for Sean Cody through this site. I really appreciate it.

More dental work today and eight needles. God I hate needles in my mouth! I really don't much mind needles in my arm or my ass but in my mouth it's just too creepy.

A man goes skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go. Excited, he jumps out of the airplane. After a bit, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens. He tries again. Still nothing. He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pulls that cord. Nothing happens...

He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no avail. Suddenly, he looks down and he can't believe his eyes. Another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going *up*!!

Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver -- by this time scared out of his wits -- yells, "Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?"

The other guy yells back, "No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?"

A professer from the Washington State University was doing a test on children, so he brought in a bunch of first graders then he gave each of them a lifesaver all the kids got the same colour at the same time.

Red=Cherry
Green=Lime
Orange=Orange
Yellow=Lemon

Then he gave them all a honey flavored one after a while all the children couldn't figure it out so the professer gives them a hint "This is something your mommy might call your daddie"

Then one little girl looked at the professer and the other children in horror then she yells "Spit them out there assholes"

April 16, 2008

One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp, but the genie was angry that the man had kicked his lamp.

Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss."

So the man agreed and made his first wish. "I want lots of money", he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appear in the man's bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss' account.

For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lambergini, Ferrari and a Porsche appeared, but at the same time outside his boss' house appeared two of each car.

Finally the genie said, "This is your last wish, you should choose carefully", and so the man replied... "I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed it.

"Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."

The gas pumps of course, didn't respond. The alien repeated the greeting. Again there was no response. The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the gas pumps haughty attitude, drew his ray gun, and said impatiently, "Greetings earthling. We come in peace. How dare you ignore us in this way! Take us to your leader, or I'll fire!"

The other alien shouted to his comrade, "No, you don't want to make him mad!" But before he finished his warning, the first alien fired.

There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 meters into the desert, where they landed in a heap rather abruptly. When they finally regained consciousness, the one who fired turned to the other one and said, "What a ferocious creature. It damn near killed us! How did you know it was so dangerous?"

The other alien answered, "If there's one thing I've learned during my travels through the galaxy, when a guy has a penis he can wrap around himself twice and then stick it in his own ear, you don't mess with him."

April 15, 2008 Oh good, the pope is coming! (That's irony...or sarcasm, maybe both.)

After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other's throat for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.

"What seems to be the problem?" Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.

After 5...10...15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless.

He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The counselor spoke to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!"

The husband scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here every Tuesday and Thursday."

A man approached the window of a movie theater with a chicken on his shoulder and asked for two tickets.

"Who's the other ticket for?" the ticket girl asked.

"For my pet chicken." He said, pointing to the bird.

"I'm sorry," the girl tells him, "but we don't allow animals in the theater."

The man walked around the corner of the building, and stuffed the chicken into his pants. He returned to the ticket window and bought a ticket, entered the theater, and sat down.

The chicken started to get too hot, so the man, figuring it was okay because it was dark to unzipped his pants and let the chicken stick its head out.

The woman seated next to him looked down in horror. She nudged her friend Amanda and whispered, "Amanda! This man next to me just unzipped his pants!"

Amanda replied, "Oh, don't worry about it. Just ignore him. If you've seen one, you've seen them all."

The woman whispered back, "I know, I know, but this one's eating my popcorn!"

April 14, 2008

A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side.

She is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says "Hey little girl. What are you doing?" The little girl says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!"

The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says. "Thanks mister", says the little girl. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the dog to the wagon by it's testicles.

"Little girl", says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster."

The little girl says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"

Two men were sitting at the top floor of the Empire State Building.

One man says to the other.. "You know, if you jump out the window here, the force of the wind will blow you back in through the window on the 90th floor.."

The other man says "fuck off, you're jokin aren't u?"

The 1st man says "No, here.. I'll prove it" so he stands on the window ledge and jumps out.. and comes back in thru the 90th floor window..

The 2nd man says.. "That was just a one off" So he does it again.. and comes thru on the 90th floor.. runs back up and says "See, im telling the truth"

The 2nd man says "Wow, im gonna do it then" he stands on the window ledge, jumps out and falls to his death.

The barman says to the first man.. "You know, you're a cunt when you're drunk Superman."

April 13, 2008

At an art exhibition two women were staring at a painting entitled, "Home for Lunch".

The painting was of three very naked, and very black men, sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on both ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink penis. The two women were standing there, staring at the picture, scratching their heads and trying to figure this out. The artist walked by and noticed the women's confusion. "Can I help you with this painting?" he asked.

"Well, yes" said the one woman. "We were curious about the picture of the black men on the bench. Why does the man in the middle have a pink penis?"

"Oh," said the artist. "I'm afraid you've misunderstood the painting. The three men are not African-Americans, they're coal miners, and the fellow in the middle went "Home for Lunch."

During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."

The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."

The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.

"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.

The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"

"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.

"Like what?" asked the bartender.

"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.

The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.

So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.

"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.

The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.

"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.

With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."

The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.

The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.

The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"

The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"

April 12, 2008

You Know You Live in San Francisco When...

The guy who cuts your hair is straight, and your plumber is gay

An alien walks into a bar and sits next to a drunk guy and begins poking him in the shoulder.

The drunk guy just ignores him.

After a while the guy turns to the alien and begins looking him up and down.

He notices that the alien has no genitalia.

He then asks "You guys have no genitalia, how do you guys have sex?"

The alien, still poking him in the arm, just smiles!

A guy walks into a bar.

He asks the bartender for a shot of whiskey.

The bartender asks "Why?" The guy responds and says "I got my first blowjob."

The bartender says "In that case I'll give you two shots of whiskey."

The guy says "No, I just want one to get the taste out of my mouth."

April 11, 2008 At the gym this morning the woman on the next machine smelled intensely of old tobacco smoke. You know how it is when it seems like the smell has soaked into every cell. Then later at Walgreen's the same thing in the check out. How many cigarettes do you have to smoke to get like that? Bob smokes and he doesn't smell like that. Of course he goes outside to smoke, maybe that's it. BB smokes and he smells a little bit from tobacco especially his hair. Course every time I've smelled his hair my cock has been up his butt so I wasn't concentrating to heavily on it.

April 11, 2008 I bought a big chunk of cheap beef at Sam's Club and then cut it up an froze it. It's not good enough to just grill but it's fine for beef stew or soups. David, even though he can't see it can smell it and it makes him nuts. He knows that there's fallen prey around.

"Don't lie to me! No more lies! I know you got something on that counter! Something that had a pulse. Damn! Why can't I be taller!!"

"It's a mouse itn't it? No..you're afraid of them. A cow? No, a you couldn't fit a whole cow on the counter. Tell me it's not a chicken! I couldn't stand another chicken. It's a chunk of beef! That's it, isn't? Give one little taste! Just a lick! I'm tellin you, I gonna bite your dick while you're asleep if you don't!!"

April 10, 2008 Jokes

April 9, 2008 I have a question for my female readers, actually a couple of questions. I was watching a commercial for Mirena which is a birth control thingy and I was wondering:

Does it hurt?

Can you feel it inside of you?

Does your partners penis bump into it?

Does it make you horny?

April 8, 2008 The latest chapter of The Good Doctor is up. Click here.

April 8, 2008 We had to take Violet to the vet yesterday and when we got her back hoome she must have smelled different because David was hissing at her and treating her like he had never seen her before. It's a little amazing how a cat dismisses the evidence of his eyes and believes his nose instead.

April 7, 2008 Cole Porter by Ella.

April 7, 2008 More dental work this week! Hopefully I'll get some permanent crowns. I'm tired of looking like something out of The Beverly Hillbillies because unfortunately it's Granny and not Jethro.

April 5, 2008

April 2, 2008 I think maybe I've got a sinus infection.

"Or maybe you're just fucking nuts!"

No, really, it feels like that. I'm all light headed.

"You're a hypochondriac!"

Well, yeah, that too but I really think this is a sinus infection. I probably need an antibiotic.

"What you need is an enormous cock up your butt!"

You really think so?

"Hey, you got pussy-boy written all over you."

That's oddly comforting.

"Sick fuck!"

April 1, 2008 Today there was lots of dental pain. After the first half hour I went to the john and was hit by low blood pressure. I wasn't really sure if I had passed out or not because it can be odd that way. Anyway it all worked out in the end.

April 1, 2008 I'd like to have John Barrowman's babies.

March 30, 2008

I would like to see one of the candidates announce his or her intention to begin a twenty year, five trillion dollar plan to upgrade the infrastructure in this country.

Roads and Bridges
Gas and Oil Pipelines
Electricity Power Grid
Internet
Water and Sewers
Air Transportation Complex
Allocation of Government land for Refineries
Atomic Power Plants
Money for Terry

It’s a lot of money but the money we spend on this stuff is like money in the bank and mostly all the money that would be spent would be spent right here and would generate lots of jobs.  Oh, and the last one on the list we could negotiate.  Really, it doesn’t have to be a lot!  It was my idea, I should get something!!!!

March 29, 2008 I bought three very inexpensive Pinot Noir's, all from Chile. The one that I've openned so far is Cono Sur, about nine bucks a bottle. It's not bad. Certainly better than most of the supermarket nine dollar Pinot's. Maybe a little light.

Oh! While I'm thinking of it I wanted to thank everyone who has signed up for Sean Cody from this site. I really appreciate it.

This is from my friend Don.

March 27, 2008 Something recently reminded me of human nuttiness and also reminded me of this incident.

I used to be a watch collector and over the years have probably owned all the high-end brands. Several years ago I had a very good watch that I wanted to sell and I put an ad in a high-end watch magazine. After a couple of weeks I got a call late one evening about the watch. The guy wanted to know if I'd take less money and I told him no, that in that case I'd just keep the watch. He talked for a half hour or so about watches in general and some of his favorite movements. He was obviously intelligent and well spoken. Then he asked me if there was any chance that I'd lower the price and when I very politely told him no again he launched into the huge screaming fit and called me every name in the book and told me that he hoped I died a horrible death and then suggested a few ways for that to happen. The thing is that it was totally out of the blue and I realized that no matter what, no matter how nuts you think people are you haven't scratched the surface.

March 27, 2008 David stretches out and extents his nose towards my dinner plate. He stops, his neck stretched out and says, "Are ya gonna hit me?"

I shake my head no.

"Cause if you're gonna hit me just tell me now."

"I'm not gonna hit you."

"Not even if I lick your porkchop?"

"Not even then. Why would you think that?"

"I'm not even supposed to be up here. If Bob saw me he'd have a heart attack."

"S'okay with me." He smells the pork chop and pulls back.

"That smells really good. Where'd ya kill it?"

"The Shopping Center."

"I wish I coulda been there. Is that like a woods or somethin?"

"Kinda."

"It doesn't smell like my regular food. Kinda odd."

"Maybe it's the mushrooms."

"That's those brown things?"

"Yep."

"What are they?"

"Spores."

"Yuck. Mice would be good. Or birds. Maybe both...you know, in like a stir-fry."

March 25, 2008 The latest The Good Doctor chapter is here. Click

March 25, 2008 Today was an entire day of teeth work. It hurts everywhere and frankly I'm too tired to screen jokes so I'm posting them without knowing whether they're good or bad.

One stormy night an English, Irish and Scottish man were walking home and had no shelter so at the top of this big hill they found this haunted house.

They were all freaked out and hesitated to go in.

Eventually, the English man went in and found a five pound note sitting on the table and he goes to lift it when all of a sudden the ghost of Mickey Mouse appears and says "I'm the ghost of Mickey Mouse lift that fiver and I'll haunt your house"

Next the Scottish man went in and saw the fiver, but before he could lift it the ghost of Mickey Mouse appeared again and said "I'm the ghost of Mickey Mouse lift that fiver and I'll haunt your house".

Finally, the Irishman went in and lifted the fiver and Mickey Mouse popped out again and said "I'm the ghost of Mickey mouse lift that fiver and I'll haunt your house"

Then the Irishman said "I'm the ghost of Donald Duck I'll lift this fiver and I'll run like fuck"

Three men went to hell.

The devil said to them "You have come to hell, and you must now choose whether to spend eternity in room 1, 2 or 3"

He then opened the doors to the three rooms.

Room 1 was filled with men standing on their heads, on a hard wooden floor.

Room 2 was filled with men standing on the heads, on a cement floor.

Finally, room 3 had just a few men, standing in shit up to their knees and drinking coffee.

The men thought for a while, and decided to go with room 3, as it was less crowded and they could drink coffee.

They entered the door to room 3 and just as it was closing behind them, the devil said "OK men, coffee break's over. Back on your heads."

Wee Hughie was dying.

Tenderly, his wife Maggie knelt by his bedside and asked, "Anything I can get you, Hughie?"

"No" He replied.

"You must have a last wish, Hughie?" asked his wife.

Faintly, came the answer. . . "A wee bit of of that boiled ham over yonder would be nice"

"Ach, man... you can't have that" said Maggie, "You know it's for the your funeral".

March 24, 2008

There was a midget down in Texas who complained to his buddy that his testicles ached almost all the time. As he was always complaining about his problem, his friend finally suggested that he go to a doctor to see what could be done to relieve the problem. The midget took his advice and went to the doctor and told him what the problem was.

The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor put him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough-the usual method to check for a hernia. "Aha!" the doc and putting his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. "Aha!" said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip, snip, snip, snip on the right side then snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip on the left side.

The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to get dressed and see if they still ached.

The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around the doc's office and discovered his testicles were no longer aching. "Gee, what did you do, Doc?" he asked.

The doc replied, "I cut two inches off the tops of your cowboy boots."

So there's these 2 muffins in an oven.

They're both sitting, just chilling and getting baked.

And one of them yells "God Damn, it's hot in here!"

And the other muffin replies "Holy Crap, a talking muffin!"

March 23, 2008 A great song sung perfectly by Ella.

March 23, 2008

I think, though I’m not sure, that BB is in Texas.  The thing is that we never really talk to each other literally beyond, “Fuck me!  Mmmmmmm!  Oh God yeah…harder!”  We have nothing in common but sex and as you all know you can’t build much with that.  Spending five minutes in a car with this guy is like torture because there’s nothing, literally nothing, to talk about.  Books?  He doesn’t read.  Politics?  He’s conservative.  The war?  He’s in favor.  Like I said, nothing in common.  I don’t think that I’ve ever been in a relationship quite like this, if you can even call it a relationship.  It really is more like ongoing tricking with the same guy.  There is, of course, some huge plusses to that too.  But now, there’s a gap to fill.   And I’d like to fill one repeatedly.

March 22, 2008

A picture of David looking all...ah...cat like. And what spring in Wisconsin looks like. There was no snow on the ground before the storm.

There once were two priests, father Dick and father Ray.

One day after a very long mass, the two priests decided to hit the showers, halfway through there showers the priests realized that there was no soap.

So, father Ray says to Father Dick "I have extra soap in my room, I'll go get some".

So he leaves to fetch the soap and doesn't bother to get dressed becuase who would still be in the church at such a late hour? So he comes back from his room with two bars of soap and is walking down the hall when suddenly he hears voices coming around the corner, so with his quick thinking he froze to the wall, stiff as a statue.

The voices turned out to be that of three nuns, who, when saw him standing there like a statue stopped to look at and admire him complimenting at how realistic he looks and what a nice body he has.

When suddenly one of the nuns reaches out and grabbed his penis.

Startled, he dropped a bar of soap, with this the nun said "Oh look, a soap dispencer", wanting to test the first nuns theory the second nun reaches out and also grabs his penis, again he drops a bar of soap.

With this the nun says "Yes it's true, it is a soap dispencer".

Wanting to get her share of soap and excitement too, the third nun reaches out and grabs his penis.

But nothing happended for he was all out of soap, so she goes on yanking and pulling his penis for the next few minutes until, to her delight, she squeals "Oh! Look, handcream!"

A rabbi and a priest are driving down a street in differnt directions.

Oddly enough, they end up getting into a crash.

They both get out of their cars, infuriated that there had been a wreck.

But since both of them are men of god, they began to talk.

The priest says that it was fortunate for these two men of the cloth to have met in such a strange way.

The rabbi says that it was also lucky that his bottle of fine wine was left undamaged after such a great accident.

So, they decide to celebrate.

The priest ends up drinking almost all of the wine.

And just as there's about a drink left in the whole bottle, the priest asks the rabbi if he would like a drink.

The rabbi shrugs and says "No thanks, I'll just wait for the police to arrive."

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. if I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's!

March 21, 2008 Two great songs by Miss Dinah Washington.

March 21, 2008 I'm not shoveling this snow! It can sit there till it rots!

Did you ever think that if there really is a god that maybe he’s not perfect?  Like maybe he’s really good at creating things but has really lousy judgement.

“What the fuck was I thinking?  Of course they’re just gonna wanna fuck all the time!  Wait a minute!  I could start over!  But how do I get rid of what I’ve got?  A flood!  That’s it!  Glug, Glug, Glug!  Sure hope you y’all can breathe under water!  Not!”

March 20, 2008 From Don:

March 19, 2008 I bought a rotisserie roasted chicken at Sam's Club for $4.99. If you buy a whole raw chicken at Sam's, where they're cheap, it's about $4.50 if you buy two at a time. So basically you're only paying a half a buck for them to do all the work. They are wonderful. I could, without a second thougt, eat the whole thing at one sitting but instead I cut it up into four separate meals. That's very cheap eating and all you need to do is saute a few vegetables to go along with it. Oh and pour the wine.

Jokes:

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balchoy."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and St. Peter asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."

Two priest's were taking a piss in the urinals one day and the one priest looks down and see's a nicotine patch on the other guy's dick. He says "Im not really a rocket scientist or anything, but, isnt that supposed to be on your arm?" And the other priest goes "Nah, it's working fine. Im down to two butts a day"!

March 19, 2008 David sleeps sprawled on my desk while I write, occasionally opening his feline eyes to check me out and then softly closing them again. From time to time his nose seems to seek out a ballpoint pen or any small object that he can chew on but then he'll drop back to sleep. Eventually, after a while, he'll move slowlly onto my lap and push my keyboard away with his nose until I give up. Then it's pet, pet, pet, pet!

Sometimes, with his eyes locked on mine he'll slowly open his mouth and gently close his very sharp teeth on my keyboard until I yell, "No!" Then he'll open his mouth and release it but I just know that he's thinking, "Yeah, just wait till you're gone!"

March 18, 2008

A professer gave his class an assignment, and the only reason for not finishing it would be if you were sick or a close relative died.

So this guy raised his hand and said " What about sexual exhaustion?"

The whole class burst out laughing.

After the laughter died down the professer replied " Maybe you should consider using the other hand!!!!!"

The local yokel got married and his honeymoon was the first time he'd been off the farm.

He'd saved for twenty years for this, so could afford a classy hotel.

Checking in he said "Me and the new WIFE would like to hire your best room for a week"

"Certainly sir" replied the receptionist. "Would you like the Bridal"?

The yokel looked a bit uncertain, then said "Naw, reckon not, a'll just hang onto her ears 'til a get the hang of it"

March 16, 2008 Nancy Wilson, one of my favorite singers. Not bad looking for seventy.

The beautiful Lena working very hard for the money.

March 15, 2008 I love this woman's voice.

March 15, 2008 More from Don.

1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good
     memory.    I don't remember, what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
 
4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings..."

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men
     "don't" and "stop", unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try
     Weekly, and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good
      partner, you'd better have a good hand.

 

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too
       small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the
       enemy.

13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
       A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was
       happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.

15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
       A:  Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.

16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
       A: Breasts don't have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed",
       many men still sleep with their wives!!!

 

 

  ''Life's tough.....it's even tougher if you're stupid.'' 
    ~ John Wayne

March 14, 2008 HELP!!!! This is my cactus. The problem is that when we got this it was only about six inches tall. It's about three or four feet now and that's the problem. What do I do with this thing? Can it be cut in half? It's like the Cactus That Ate Cleveland. I need suggestions. Clean ones. I know, I know, it's shaped like a penis but I'm not shoving it up my butt!

March 13, 2008 Here's a few jokes from my friend Don.

A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to 
be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz
had the largest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician 
commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an
impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity."
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase,
and took it home. "I have to show you something you won't 
believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.
"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?!?!"

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer."Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent
"One Cent?" the man thought.  He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for 
a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?" A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."  The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with 
your wife?" The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business down 
here."

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly, "I have something 
I must confess." "There's no need to," his wife replied. "No," he insisted, "I want to die i n peace. I 
slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!" "I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest 
and let the poison work."

March 12, 2008 David likes to sit on my lap and eat whipped cream. I have one of those cans of whipped cream and I spray it into my mouth for myself and then spray some onto my hand for David. We go through about a can a week. I know, men are pigs, and apparently male cats are too.

One day a man went on a buissness trip to Florida.

He had saw this hooker and he asked "How much for a hand job?"

The hooker replied "100 Bucks"

The man said "100 Bucks, That's a lot of got damn money"

So the hooker pulled him to the side and said "See that Mercedes, I paid for that by giving hand jobs."

So he gave her the money and received the best hand he had ever had.

The next day he sees her and asks "How much for a head job?"

She said "200 dollars"

"200 dollars that's a lot of money"

She pulled him to the side and said "You see that yahat by the pier, I paid for that yahat by giving head jobs."

So he gives her the money, and get the best head job of his life

On hist last day in Florida he returns to the hooker and says "The hand job was good, the head job was great how much for the whole package."

"1000 dollars'

"1000 dollars that's a lot of god damn money"

So she pulled him to side and said "You see that island, I could afford that if i had a pussy."

A professer gave his class an assignment, and the only reason for not finishing it would be if you were sick or a close relative died.

So this guy raised his hand and said " What about sexual exhaustion?"

The whole class burst out laughing.

After the laughter died down the professer replied " Maybe you should consider using the other hand!!!!!"

March 11, 2008 I was talking to godaddy.com and apparently the site was down for a little while but it seems okay now.

David has discovered that he can untie my shoelaces with his teeth and my life has become a living hell...well, kinda.

Four new crowns put in today. There were supposed to be seven but three had to be redone.

I think BB is in Texas. He said he was going this week. To Lubbock, I think. So, if you live in Lubbock and the lube supplies begin to run low, you'll understand.

There was a young girl who lived up in the hills of Tennessee. She was about to turn sixteen, and couldn't wait to get her driver's liscense.

She had been subjected to much ribbing from her older brother, telling her that she was too dumb to get her liscense.

When the big day came around, she passed the test with flying colors.

She rushed home and asked her father if she could use the car that night so she and her friend could go in to town where all the cool kids were at.

The father said, "Sure honey, but you'll have to give me a blow-job first."

Wanting to go to town real bad, she agreed.

As she went down on her father, she suddenly jumped up an said "Dad your dick tastes like shit"

Oh yea, her father replied, "I forgot, your brother's got the car tonight."

Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a machete to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"

To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a magnum gun and pointed it at him and said, "No you're not! You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book!"

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a
 woman may go to choose a husband.

 Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

 You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value
 of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper
 may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to
 the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
 She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
 Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. "That's nice," she thinks,
 "but I want more." So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
 Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
 "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
 Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
 "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
 Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
 Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on
 this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
 
PLEASE NOTE:
 
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has women that love sex.
The second floor has women that love sex, have money and like beer.
 The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

 

March 9, 2008 The latest chapter of Protecting David-Finding Christopher has been posted and you can see it here. Click here.

The blog was taking forever to load so I made a new page. Click below for the old one.

Click here for previous blog entries.