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- - - BLOG September 2010- - - |
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September 2, 2010 The week is almost over! I hope everyone has a great holiday weekend. If you live outside of the U.S. and you don't know what I'm talking about, this is our Labor Day weekend. This marks the end of summer here. The kids here went back to shool on Wednesday and in most areas they will go back on Tuesday of next week. I think that's different in Britain isn't it? It seems to me that they go back later in Britain, but I don't really know. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if BB blew up that oil rig. The oil spill has been really profitable for him.
A blonde is suffering from a sore throat so she goes to see the doctor. She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down. He gets out his light and says, "Open wide". "I can't," replies the blonde, "the chair's fitted with arms!" Two gorgeous blonde biologists were in the field one fine summer day. While following a game trail, they came across a pair of tracks. "Look! a pair of tracks" The first blonde said while pointing to the ground. A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. 'No woman,' said one man, scornfully, 'can keep a secret.' A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!" Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet." So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money." The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!" Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The blond with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down." Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses." "We don't have any," replied the first blonde. "Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses," said the Game Warden. "But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river." The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden. "Take all the debris you want." And with that, he left. As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two. "Doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?" A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to dye her hair so she would look like a brunette. Once she was finished and her hair was brown, she decided to take a drive in the country. After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!" The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157." The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car. Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said. "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
September 1, 2010 A pretty good day in the market today. I also went to the doctor for a follow up visit. My back is still killing me, but I'll survive. "Now remember to really yell at me! And will you try and butch it up? You're supposed to be my master! And don't forget to turn the pot roast on or it'll never be done for dinner."
Girl: Do you believe in puppy love? Husband says; "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me". When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness. A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?" He says, "Why? Are my eyes bulging?" "I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine... I always get better with age. The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar." Innkeeper: The room is $15. a night. It's $5. if you make your own bed. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. Two woman were talking about the new hunk in the neighborhood. "But he acts so stupid," said one to the other. "I think he must have his brains between his legs." "Yeah," her friend sighed, "but I'd sure love to blow his mind." Love thy neighbor all through the day... but first make sure her husband's away! "Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud." "Yes sir, it's fresh ground." Wife: Give me some money. I want to buy a bra. What's the best date to bring on a picnic? One who will arch her back so your balls don't get grass-stained. I wonder what fish smelled like before women went swimming? It is well known... Boy: Do you like parties? What four animals does a woman like to have in her house? A tiger in bed, a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage and a jackass to pay for it all. A guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken. The waiter says that there's nothin' special... we just flat out tell' em they're gonna die... HUSBAND: Shall we try a different position tonight? Two drunks were walking home along the railway tracks. Want to hear two short jokes and a long joke? A lady says to the psychiatrist, "I think I might be a nymphomaniac." He says, "I'll see what I can do to help you. My fee is eighty dollars an hour." She says, "How much for all night?" Harry's wife says, "Harry, do these jeans make my ass look like the side of the house?" He says, "No, our house isn't blue." Two Muffins were baking in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, "Holy Shit it's hot in here!" The other muffin says, "Holy Shit... A talking muffin!" A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" She simply replied, "No peer pressure." There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you." One man calls emergency: Lesbians can also take Viagra. They don't have to swallow it, they just let it melt in their tongues.
September 1, 2010 The first of September, the beginning of shool here in Wisconsin and time for this video...again...and again, and again, and again. Well, if you just relax, it won't hurt as much.
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