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- - - BLOG February 2017- - -
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

February 17, 2017

WHAT'S BLACK AND BLUE AND BROWN AND LAYING IN A DITCH?
A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.

WHAT DO YOU CALL GOING ON A BLIND DATE WITH A BRUNETTE?
Brown-bagging it.

WHAT'S THE REAL REASON A BRUNETTE KEEPS HER FIGURE?
No one else wants it.

WHY ARE SO MANY BLONDE JOKES ONE-LINERS ? 
So brunettes can remember them.

WHAT DO YOU CALL A BRUNETTE IN A ROOM FULL OF BLONDES?
Invisible.

WHAT'S A BRUNETTE'S MATING CALL?
"Has the blonde left yet? "

WHY IS THE BRUNETTE CONSIDERED AN EVIL COLOR? 
When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?

WHAT DO BRUNETTES MISS MOST ABOUT A GREAT PARTY? 
The invitation

WHAT DO YOU CALL A GOOD LOOKING MAN WITH A BRUNETTE?
A hostage

WHO MAKES BRAS FOR BRUNETTES?
Fisher-Price

WHY ARE BRUNETTES SO PROUD OF THEIR HAIR?
It matches their mustache.

February 16, 2017

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question. 

"If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?" After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet." 

They said, "Well okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back toher. Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question.In reply, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings. 

"Again, "Thank you," and that they would get back to her. Finally, the blonde entered the room and they asked her the same question they had asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for awhile and replied, "I would like to go to the sun. 

"The people from NASA replied, "Why, don't you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?" The blonde smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you guys dumb? I'd go at night!"

February 14, 2017

There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish. The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into brown haired woman and she swims off the island. 

The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one. So, instantly she is turned into a black haired woman. The black haired woman builds a boat and sails off the island. 

The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.

February 13, 2017

A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" 

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet.In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb. blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that joke?" 

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

February 10, 2017

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. 

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" 

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. 

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

February 9, 2017

TO: Boss
FROM: Blondie
RE: Changing Calendars from Y2K

I hope that I haven't misunderstood your instructions because, to be honest, none of this Y to K problem made much sense to me. At any rate, I have finished the conversion of all of the months on all of the company calendars for next year. The calendars have returned from the printer and are ready to be distributed with the following new months:

Januark
Februark
Mak
Julk

I also changed all the days of each week to:

Sundak
Mondak
Tuesdak
Wednesdak
Thursdak
Fridak
Saturdak
We are now Y to K compliant. Have a nice dak!!!

February 8, 2017

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers license?" 

"What's a license???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump. 

"It's usually in your wallet," replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see your registration?" asked the cop. 

"Registration..... what's that....?" asked the blonde. 

"It's usually in your glove compartment." said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration. 

"I'll be back in a minute." said the cop and walked back to his car. The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back, "Ummm... is this woman driving a red sports car?" 

"Yes." replied the officer 

"Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher 

"Uh... yes." replied the cop. 

"Here's what you do." said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants." 

"What!!? I can't do that. Its... inappropriate." exclaimed the cop. 

"Trust me. Just do it." said the dispatcher. 

So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said. 

The blonde looks down and sighs..... "Ohh no... not another breathalyzer......"

February 7, 2017


A blonde goes into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland. When the man tells her it will be $300 she exclaims, "I don't have any money. But I would do anything to get a message to my mother in Poland." 

To that the man asks, "Anything?" And the blonde says "Yes...anything!" With that, the man says "Follow me." He walks into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door." She does. 

He then says, "Get on your knees." She does. 

He then says, "Take down my zipper." She does. 

He then says, "Go ahead... Take it out." With that, she takes it out and takes hold of it with both hands. 

The man then says, "Well. Go ahead!" She brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips she says, "Hello? Mom?"

February 6, 2017

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. 

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. 

She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. 

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" 

The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

February 3, 2017

On a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she moves to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving." Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. 

He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving." 

The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this." He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the coach section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?" 

Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat. 

He said, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."

February 2, 2017

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. 

"Sorry,we don't sell to blondes," he replied. 

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. 

"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV." 

Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed "How do you know I'm a blonde?" 

"Because that's a microwave," he replie

February 1, 2017 I have a cold. Chills, fever, diarrhea, constant nose blowing.

We liberals are well and truly fucked. The only thing we can do is wait for 2018. But, as Mitch McConnell knows, we'll be back. Eight years ago our rolls were reversed. I wonder if I'll live to see who the next president will be.

Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the Captain announced, 'One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry, we have three engines left.' 

Thirty minutes later, the Captain announced, 'One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry, we have two engines left.' An hour later the Captain announced, 'One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left.' 

One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said, 'If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day.'

 

January 31, 2017

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. 

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. 

She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. 

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" 

The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

January 30, 2017

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd. The brunette takes their life savings of $600 dollars and goes to Texas to buy a bull. 

She eventually meets with an old cowboy that will sell her a bull. "It's the only one I got for $599, take it or leave it." She buys the bull and goes to the local telegram office and says, "I'd like to send a telegram to my friend in Louisiana that says: Have found the stud bull for our ranch, bring the trailer." 

The man behind the counter tells her, "Telegrams to anywhere in the U.S. are $.75 per word." She thinks about it for a moment and decides. "I'd like to send one word, please." "And what word would that be?" inquires the man. 

"Comfortable." replies the brunette. 

The man asks, "I'm sorry miss, but how is your friend gonna understand this telegram?" 

The brunette replies, "My friend is blonde and reads REAL slow, when she gets this, she will see COM-FOR-DA-BULL."

January 27, 2017

Prostate exam. See, you can do it yourself.

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd. The brunette takes their life savings of $600 dollars and goes to Texas to buy a bull. 

She eventually meets with an old cowboy that will sell her a bull. "It's the only one I got for $599, take it or leave it." She buys the bull and goes to the local telegram office and says, "I'd like to send a telegram to my friend in Louisiana that says: Have found the stud bull for our ranch, bring the trailer." 

The man behind the counter tells her, "Telegrams to anywhere in the U.S. are $.75 per word." She thinks about it for a moment and decides. "I'd like to send one word, please." "And what word would that be?" inquires the man. 

"Comfortable." replies the brunette. 

The man asks, "I'm sorry miss, but how is your friend gonna understand this telegram?" 

The brunette replies, "My friend is blonde and reads REAL slow, when she gets this, she will see COM-FOR-DA-BULL."

 

January 26, 2017

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days later, as she was driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?" The shepherd, always the gentleman replied, "Of course." The blonde thought for a moment and for no discernible reason said, "352." This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock." The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others. When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O.K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?

 

 

 

 

 

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