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Protecting David, Protecting David-Alex's Story * Protecting David-Finding Christopher * Protecting David-The Brothers * The Good Doctor. https://www.amazon.com/s?k=terence+audette&ref=nb_sb_noss
Obvously I am the author of the books listed below and benefit financially when you buy one.
I changed the name of this booChristopher Grows Up to Christopher's Story. Available now here.
I'm currently working on Protecting David-Andrew and Luc's Story.
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Why do we Americans keep forgetting that this is in our DNA no matter how we resist it this is what has made our country great.
"Keep ancient lands your storied pomp!" Cries she with silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe
free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door."
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October 1, 2024 Happy October to all.
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I'd
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March 14, 2024 We replaced our hot water heater today. I almost threw up when we got the bill. Whenever someone says their giving you a freeby
you know you're about to get fucked, and not in the good way.
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March 6, 2024I I started righting Protecting David-Andrew and Luc but it's a long way off.
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January 2, 2024 Happy New Year!
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December 22, 2023 Merry Christmas to all!
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November 22, 2023 Happy Thankgiving.
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Last time I saw something like that in was in a pasture eating hay.
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May 30, 2023 I had to put down my beloved cat, Leo, today and it breaks my heart. I got him as the tinist little kitten
and he lived for fourteen years. The last six months though he was diagnosed with kidney disease and the last
two months he went down hill fast. Last night he could hardly lift himself up.
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This program that makes this site got totally fucked up and I don't really know how much is left. Be kind. Oh, by the way, my page on Facebook is fillled
with straight people. It makes me nervous. Go to Facebook and say hello, name is Terence Audette. I'm old so don't expect too much..
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February 1, 2023 The days are getting longer.
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January 2, 2023 I hope this will be a better year.
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December 23, 2022 Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays, whichever applies.
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December 8, 2022 Is it just me or does anyone else remember when you were shopping for shoes you could try them on and then put your foot in an xray machine
that showed what your toes looked like inside of the shoe?
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May 30, 2022 Like em hairy, here you go.
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May 2, 2022 Hey, hey, the first of May, outside fucking starts today. Okay, yesterday.
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"Dad, mom wants to know where you're at!"
April 27, 2022 At some point in your life your relatives would rather be musing sadly over what a great guy you had been than worrying about taking care of you. But I still love you just the way you are.
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July 28, 2021 The next chapter of Protecting David-Christopher Grows Up is here
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July 13, 2021
"Breed me, do it hard, real hard!"
From, https://jokojokes.com/warehouse-jokes.html
Three men find themselves at a beach-side resort in the Caribbean...
... and they soon begin to discuss their lives and how they came to be there.
The first man says, "I use to run a successful business in the Mid West. One day unfortunately there was a huge fire and my entire warehouse burned to the ground. I collected the insurance on it and decided to move here."
The other two nod, slightly sympathetically.
The second man says, "Similar story here. I used to run a jewellery store back in LA, but unfortunately one night there was a massive break in. I collected the insurance that I had on the jewellery and moved down here to settle."
They look at the third guy. He says, "I used to run a small fishing business on the East Coast. Last year unfortunately the entire thing was ruined by a hurricane. I collected my insurance and moved here."
The first two guys look at each other for a minute. Finally, one says, "How do you start a hurricane?"
July 12, 2021
July 9, 2021
July 7, 2021 Protecting David, Protecting David-Alex's Story, Protecting David-Finding Christopher, Protecting David-The Brothers, The Good Doctor. https://www.amazon.com/s?k=terence+audette&ref=nb_sb_noss_1
Atrial Fibrilation is back and maybe here to stay.
July 1, 2021
While waiting in line at the bank, a co-worker developed a very loud case of hiccups. By the time he reached the teller's window, the hiccups seemed to have worsened. The teller took my friend's check and proceeded to run a computer verification of his account. After a minute she looked up from her terminal with a frown and said that she would be unable to cash his check.
"Why not?" my friend asked incredulously.
"I'm sorry, sir," she replied, "but our computer indicates that you do not have sufficient funds to cover this amount. As a matter of fact," she continued, "our records show your account overdrawn in excess of $5000."
"It CAN'T be!" he cried. "You have GOT to be kidding!"
"Yes, I am," she answered with a big smile, counting out his cash. "But you will notice that your hiccups are gone."
June 30, 2021
The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.
"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back."
"You're on, old man," the young guy replied.
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then he turned to the young man and said, "All right. Get in."
June 29, 2021 Protecting David, Protecting David-Alex's Story, Protecting David-Finding Christopher, Protecting David-The Brothers, The Good Doctor. https://www.amazon.com/s?k=terence+audette&ref=nb_sb_noss_1
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me."
The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab, I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
June 28, 2021
The heaviest element known to science is Managerium.
This element has no protons or electrons, but has a nucleus composed of 1 neutron, 2 vice-neutrons, 5 junior vice-neutrons, 25 assistant vice-neutrons, and 125 junior assistant vice-neutrons all going round in circles.
Managerium has a half-life of three years, at which time it does not decay but institutes a series of reviews leading to reorganization.
Its molecules are held together by means of the exchange of tiny particles known as morons.
June 25, 2021
June 24, 2021 Protecting David, Protecting David-Alex's Story, Protecting David-Finding Christopher, Protecting David-The Brothers, The Good Doctor. https://www.amazon.com/s?k=terence+audette&ref=nb_sb_noss_1
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me...."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry." Finally, she looked up at Tim.
"How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, no Brenda... no. Fact is, he got out three times to pee."
June 23, 2021
A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of John, one of the older workmen. After several minutes, John had enough.
"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."
"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "It's a bet! Let's see what you got."
Morris reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."
June 22, 2021 I fucked up the computer again so you've been transported back to January of 2020.
January 30, 2020
A woman walks into a tattoo parlour.
'Do you do custom work?' she asks the artist.
'Why of course!'
'Good. I'd like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of my right thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside of my left thigh.'
'No problem,' says the artist. 'Strip from the waist down and get up on the table.'
After two hours of hard work, the artist finishes. The woman sits up and examines the tattoos.
'That doesn't look like them!' she complains loudly.
'Oh yes it does,' the artist says indignantly, 'and I can prove it.' With that, he runs out of the shop and grabs the first man off the street he can find; it happens to be the town drunk.
'Well, what do you think?' the woman asks, spreading her legs. 'Do you know who these men are?'
The drunk studies the tattoos for a couple of minutes and says. 'I'm not sure who the guys on either side are, but the fellow in the middle is definately Willie Nelson!'
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January 29, 2020
A man walks into a bar and orders a 12-year-old scotch.
The bartender, believing that the customer will not be able to tell the difference, pours him a shot of the cheap 3-year-old house scotch that has been poured into an empty bottle of the good stuff.
The man takes a sip and spits the scotch out on the bar and reams the bartender. "This is the cheapest 3-year-old scotch you can buy. I'm not paying for it. Now, give me a good 12-year-old scotch."
The bartender, now feeling a bit of a challenge, pours him a scotch of much better quality, 6-year-old scotch. The man takes a sip and spits it out on the bar. "This is only 6-year-old scotch. I won't pay for this, and I insist on a good, 12-year-old scotch. The bartender finally relents and serves the man his best quality, 12-year-old scotch. The man sips the drink and says, "Now that's more like it."
An old drunk from the end of the bar, who has witnessed the entire episode, walks down to the finicky scotch drinker and sets a glass down in front of him and asks, "What do you think of this?" The scotch expert takes a sip, and in disgust, violently spits out the liquid yelling "THIS TASTES LIKE PISS."
To which the old drunk replies, "That's right, now guess how old I am."
January 28, 2020 Okay, so this is what I want to know. Suppose you met a guy, handsome, masculine, sports loving, good sense of humor, attracted to you but he had a vagina intead of cock and balls. He'd had them replaced. Would you be turned on or off?
A guy walks into a bar and asks for three beers. The bartender puts them up and then watches the guy go through a peculiar ritual. "Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, happy birthday" Each time he says the word he drinks the beer. Then he pays and walks out.
One year later he enters the bar again and orders the same thing. The bartender watches him go through the same ritual. Curious, he asks the bloke why.
"Well" the guy says, "I have a friend in Ireland and a friend in Australia. We have our birthdays on the same day. We can't be together so we have agreed that on this day we will each go into our local pub and have a round of drinks for each other. We have been doing this for 55 years since we were 18"
The next year the man comes in and asks the bartender for two beers. The bartender, a bit taken aback, places two beers in front of the guy and watches him say "happy birthday, happy birthday!"
The bartender asks "so which one died?"
"No one."
"But you only ordered two drinks!"
"Yeah, well, I've given up drinking."
January 27, 2020 Comtemplating my life.
"Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned." |
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