Mike and I finished fucking about two minutes before Dodger got back with the pizza. We threw open the window despite the heat in an attempt to clear out the smell of sex and I ran around like a mad man trying to make it look like I had at least started to put my stuff away. Mike didn't appear to give a fuck one way or another but I knew that he didn't want Dodger to know.

When he got back Dodger acted like everything was cool but there was a rigid quality to him that told me that if he didn't know he at least suspected. It was tense watching the two of them eat with Mike sitting on my bed with me and Dodger on his, two alpha males who looked like they were trying to decide if they had something to fight about.

I was expecting Dodger and me to spend some time getting to know each other that night but as soon as Mike left Dodger said he had a date and he took off too.

Once Dodger left I set up my computer and it took me two minutes to find Carl's name on the varsity football teams web site; Carl Langstrom, Wide Receiver with a picture that didn't come close to doing him justice. I went into the bathroom, hurled violently and then beat off frantically. I spent a good part of the night wondering just how fucking nuts I was.

During the next two weeks Mike and I fucked eight times. Dodger came within seconds of catching us twice and I had this weird feeling that Mike wanted him to catch us but then it stopped. Then without warning Mike stopped coming around and if he was going to the john in the library he was doing it when I had a class. I went over in my mind everything that Mike and I had done but couldn't think of anything that might make him not want to see me anymore unless maybe he felt we were getting too close. That was one thing that kind of freaked him but I had tried really hard to keep things casual so I didn't think that was it. I thought about trying to find him but he had always pretty much been the one to instigate things and I thought he'd feel I was chasing him, so I didn't, I just waited.

I was sitting at my desk doing a dumbass essay for English when Dodger came in and dumped a lot of books on his bed. He kicked off his shoes flopped down on his bed and said, "Mike coming around here anymore?" He was trying to look all innocent but it sounded like a question that he already knew the answer to.

I shook my head. "He's like disappeared. I hope he's okay. What about practice, he's your teammate?"

He smiled. "Yeah, he's coming to practice." And I thought "So why ask me then?" but I didn't say it.

I looked up from my computer and said, "I just figured he got busy. This shit is a lot harder than I figured it'd be." Dodger was pissing me off. As far as I was concerned if you knew something that could help a friend you told them about it and if he knew something about Mike he should be telling me, not playing fucking games.

I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't figure out for a moment what was different but as I gathered my senses I realized someone was in bed with me all warm against me and it was one of those moments that seems strange but not so weird that it shouldn't be happening, you know? And then as I'm struggling to wake up, being hauled back out of the depths as it were, I can feel these fingers on my hair like all gentle and caressing and then his warm breath on my cheek. My tongue feels like all nasty and I figure my breath is total crap and it's weird how that's such a big deal as opposed to a man in my bed that I didn't bring there.

I must have started making awake noises because he started to speak and I guess I knew all along that it was Dodger.

His voice is a barely audible whisper. "I didn't mean to wake you, Danny." Somehow that came out sounding like this was something he did every night and it hit me that for all I knew he did.

"Man...fuck....you doing?" It comes out as an incoherent mumble.

"I just got back, you know, my date."

I almost started to drift back to sleep when some part of my brain kicked another part. "Your girlfriend know you like to get in bed with your roommate?"

I don't think he meant to say it out loud but he groaned way down deep in his throat and maybe it didn't even come out as an audible sound maybe I just felt the vibration through his chest.

I guess because I didn't kick him out as soon as I woke up he figured I was cool with all this because he rolled over a little more to his left and snuggled in. "Your hair is fucking gorgeous, Danny. It's like all feathery and like silk or something."

I said, "Yours is really nice too, Dodger" but I don't think he picked up on the sarcasm and I did feel like kind of a bitch for saying it but I figure the circumstances made it forgivable and besides he does have nice hair.

"So, Dodger, I figure you gotta be the reason that Mike has stopped coming around. Am I right?"

"He was no good for you, Danny! I told him that he was only confusing you."

I sighed deeply and whisper. "So you wanna take his place, you wanna fuck me?"

"Danny.....I"

"Don't tell me, "Your not really sure your gay, actually you're pretty sure that you're straight it's just that you get these urges," like to get in bed with your roommate in the middle of the night."

"Danny don't........I'm sorry."

I twisted against Dodger so that I was looking directly at him. "Dodger, you know how this is gonna turn out. You know that you're gonna string your girlfriend along for......fuck maybe years and then you'll run across the right guy, the guy that makes your heart lurch when he smiles at you and then you'll end up where you really deep down are supposed to be."

"That won't happen, Danny, I won't let it."

I put my hand on his abdomen and his whole body flinched. "You mind if I hold your cock, Dodger?"

He went totally rigid. "No, Danny, don't do that!" His hand grabbed for mine and held it in an amazingly strong grip.

I said quietly, "Dodger.........straight boys need to sleep in their own beds." After a quiet minute he climbed slowly out of my bed and returned to his own.

The next morning it was like nothing had happened but he was being watchful like he was noting my every move.

Carl is running fast. His arms and legs are deeply tanned from the summer sun and his body covers the ground without seeming effort. Like all good athletes his body is honed. Downfield he turns with the grace of a ballet dancer and the football seems to be drawn to the comfort of his arms. He starts to lope back and glances quickly to the stands. My heartbeat momentarily stumbles but if he saw me nothing betrays him and he returns to his teammates who are sweating together in the September sun.

I'm not sure what I thought would happen. I guess I figured he'd somehow spot me up here and let the ball fall uncaught while he tore off up the stairs racing to be with me. The team turns as a group and heads back to the locker room as a small cloud passes in front of the sun and suddenly it's very much a fall day and I'm cold. I slowly make my way out of the stands. I'm keeping an eye out for anyone who looks official because I'm not really allowed to be here, nobody is unless they're in some way associated with the team.

The field is empty as I reach the bottom of the stands and head for the exit near the tunnel that leads to the locker rooms. Just as I'm about to make a clean getaway a guy in white pants and a white Polo shirt comes running up to me.

He stops a few feet away and calls, "You Danny Larkin?"

I feel like I've been caught stealing or something. "Yeah." I'm pretty sure they can't expel you for sneaking in to watch practice but I'm not really positive. I know, not for the first time, I'm being a dumbass.

"Could you come with me?" He waved his hand for me to follow him and immediately started walking as if he were certain that I'd follow and despite my first inclination to run I did follow. We walked down the ramp into the tunnel that took us to the building that housed the locker rooms. Everything was concrete walls painted in white with bold colored stripes running horizontally. We stopped at a blue metal door and he pulled out a bunch of keys on chain and unlocked the door.

"You can wait in here."

I started to protest. "I....I didn't do anything! I know maybe I wasn't supposed to be in the stands but..."

He smiled. "Hey, it's okay. Somebody just wants to talk to you."

I tried to ask him who wanted to talk to me but he was out the door before I got the words out and it didn't really matter cause I was pretty sure who it was. I leaned against the wall and pressed my face to the cool concrete block while I tried to get my head on straight.

After a couple of minutes I could hear a couple of people coming down the hallway with their voices raised. I recognized Carl's as he half yelled, "I can't believe you dragged him in here like a fucking criminal!" The other guy was saying something but it was too quiet to hear and then the voices stopped outside the door.

Then the door opened and Carl said, "Danny!"

The good thing about fainting is that it stops conversation or whatever it was that you didn't want to deal with. That bad part is hitting the floor but in my case that didn't happen because of a pair of very strong, very fast, powerful arms.

When you're coming around after having dropped out of life for a few minutes you can hear everything well before you decide to become part of it.

I heard Carl say, "He's my friend and I'll take care of him! Doc, why don't you just go wrap an ankle or something?"

"Carl, somebody passes out in the team locker room and he becomes the team's responsibility, so just get it thru your head that I'm gonna be here till I'm sure he's okay." And on it went.

I was floating in total darkness and it felt great. I did hear them calling me but I didn't figure that anything was happening there that could beat the peace that I had so I kinda resisted them, for all the good it did. I could feel myself being drawn back and then much to my dismay my eyes opened.

I was looking into the very brown eyes of a guy I figured to be the doctor.

He was looking at me the way that doctors do with a totally expressionless face. "You passed out. How are you feeling?" His thumb was gently pushing up my right eyelid and then I he flashed a light in it.

"O....Okay." My voice sounded all strange to me.

"What's your name?" His voice was very comforting.

"Daniel Larkin."

The doctor turned his head and looked at someone else in the room for a moment. "What day is it Daniel?"

"Thursday." He plugged a stethoscope into his ears and started roaming around my chest listening. "This ever happen before?" I shook my head no.

He turned his head to look at Carl again but this time he smiled and said, "Okay, okay, Carl, I'm leaving!"

He turned back to me. "I want you to just sit here a while and kinda get your bearings."

He turned back to Carl. "He has any dizziness and you call me!"

Carl walked up behind the doctor and I was able to see him again. "Don't worry, Doc, I'll take care of him."

The doctor put a hand under my shoulder and said, "Before I go why don't you try sitting up and see how it goes." Carl moved quickly to my other side and held his hand an inch from my shoulder but never actually touched me while I sat up.

The doctor gave Carl an odd look shook his head and said, "Okay, I'm gone." It suddenly occurred to me that if he left Carl and I would be alone and I thought about asking him to stay but knew that I couldn't do that.

Carl was bigger, actually a lot bigger than I remembered and if I had to guess I would have said, six foot four inches and two hundred and twenty pounds and by the look of him not one once of it was fat. He had an odd look on his face like he was almost as nervous as I was, not that that was possible. His blond hair was bleached even lighter by the sun and his bright blue eyes really popped against his dark tan. He was wearing loose jeans and an open long sleeve shirt and I suddenly realized that they must have dragged him out of the shower because his hair and chest looked to be still wet.

Since Carl almost looked like he had stopped breathing I tried to get things going. I more or less pointed at his chest and mumbled, "They got you outta the shower?"

He looked down and then touched the drops on his chest with his fingers. "Oh! Sorry, they...they came and got me." Then in a louder voice, "I didn't think they'd like haul you in like some sort of criminal." He looked towards the door and then back. "I told em they shouldn't have done that. I hope they didn't scare....I mean of course they wouldn't have scared you. Did I.....I mean I hope it wasn't me...I hope you didn't pass out because of me.....being here."

"No, Carl...........it wasn't......it's just me, I'm pretty crazy." I knew then, somewhere deep in my head, that I was gonna forgive him, maybe I already had.

He got a sick look on his face and practically shouted, "I did that to you!"

I shook my head and sighed. I was so close to losing it. It took a minute but finally I thought I could speak. "It was building for a long time, Carl." I wiped my eyes. "My family....." I just waved my hand. "My mom and dad are really strange." Somehow when he wanted to blame himself for something that, after all, he did do, I just didn't want that, I knew it just wasn't right. Then in an attempt to get the attention off of me I asked, "What happened to Notre Dame? I thought that was your school."

The change of subject seemed to help him a bit and he visibly relaxed. "It turned out not to be everything I needed. I just figured this would be better."

"Still with your girlfriend?"

"No!" Then more quietly, "No, that didn't work out either. I guess we ended up wanting different things." Then he hurriedly said, "Danny, I wanted to ask you to go out to dinner with me tomorrow." He took a step towards me and held up his hands. "I know you don't owe me that. You don't owe me the time of day. It's just that there's so much that I need to tell you. There's so many things that have been on my mind. Danny, I need to explain what happened but not here. Will you do it?"