The Dark Side of the Moon 2

When I woke up I could feel something up my ass and I started to cry but when I opened my eyes I could see that there was a doctor doing it, not that that made it all that much better.

He looked at me and gave me a warm smile. “Sorry about this but the police need a swab.” I covered my face with my hands and just kept crying. It had been a bad day. A day when it seemed like I’d lost almost everything that mattered to me and now I was in some hospital and they were doing stuff to me and I was alone.

I heard the doctor drop something into something that sounded metallic and then his hands were on my wrist. He said matter of factly to me, “You’ve got a concussion.” He moved his stethoscope over my chest. “You’re gonna be okay though.” I knew that that wasn’t true.

The doctor ran his hand over my hair. “Your family is outside. They’re anxious to see you. I’ll send em in.”

That got my attention and I sat quickly up in bed. “No!” That sounded a little nuts even to me. Then more quietly, “No, I don’t wanna see anyone! Make em go away!”

He gently pushed me back down onto the bed and looked down at me. “Robert, you’re fourteen and they’re your parents. I can’t stop them from seeing you.” Then he got a very serious look. “Did they have anything to do with this?” I realized that I’d given him the wrong impression.

“No! No, that’s not why I don’t wanna see em.” But there was one thing that I was gonna be firm about. “But I don’t wanna see my brothers! Please you gotta promise me!”

He looked hard into my eyes and then finally said, “Okay, they’re not your parents. I’ll keep em out but you need to talk to someone about this. Did they hurt you?”

I sighed and could feel the tears running down my face. “No. They didn’t do this to me either.”

He leaned over the bed and looked right into my eyes. “The cops are gonna want to talk to you too. They’ve been here once and they’ll be back.” He sighed looked at the wall and then back at me. “You be sure you tell em everything.” Oh God! I couldn’t believe that I still had to face that.

I could hear yelling in the hallway. It sounded like my brothers and my father but then it stopped suddenly. I looked around the room to see if there was a way out but there wasn’t and I found myself sinking down further into the bed dreading what I knew was going to happen.

My dad came into the room all aggressive with my mom seeming to try to hold him back with her eyes. I knew that I was crying again and when he came towards the bed I could feel myself backing away from him without even knowing why. That seemed to stop him a few feet from the bed and he looked at me with a look of confusion and maybe even anger on his face. I was sure that he thought that this was all my fault.

He took another step towards me and I found my body pushing itself even further away from him trying to disappear completely. His face dropped and he said softly, “Robbie.”

I was having a problem separating what had actually happened and what I was afraid people’s reactions would be with what I knew from past experience. Like I said it wasn’t a good day.

I was pushing myself up in the bed and away from my dad but my head hurt like crazy I was tired and weak and was running out of space to push myself to. My voice was hoarse and pleading. “Don’t hit me! I didn’t do anything wrong!” My dad had never hit me and had never given me any reason to think that he would. Crazy.

Lucky for me that didn’t make him turn around and run. He stepped over to the bed and gently but firmly pulled my head against his chest. I was really crying now. He bent his head down so that my head was under his chin.

He whispered, “I’d never hurt you.” I knew that, I really did. It’s just that, well, not everything was working, you know, in my brain.

On the other side of the bed I could feel my mom pick up my hand and squeeze it. She said softly, “Honey, do you want to talk about it?” I shook my head no against my dad’s chest. That was the last thing that I wanted to do.

Before they left my mom said, “Your brothers…………………” but dad interrupted her.

He said softly, “They told us what they did………..and that you heard them talking about it.” He sighed. “They’ve got a lot to think about…………..but we can talk about that when you get outta here and come home. The doctor said that you didn’t wanna talk to em.” I was sliding down into the bed and really wanted to pull the covers up over my head. Come home, did I really have to do that?

My head felt like it was gonna explode but I shook it slowly.

He just nodded that he understood and then said, “Karen was here earlier but” He glanced at his watch, “we sent her home. She gonna stop in tomorrow morning before school. Is that okay?”

My voice came out sounding like a monkey or some fucking animal that had just been taught to speak. “Yeah, that’s good.” I could still feel that cock being jammed down my throat.

Then I got to thinking about it. Was it good or was she on their side. Jimmy was her twin and even though she usually treated me like she was mom that didn’t mean that she wouldn’t side with them. Even though this was a lousy time to be making decisions I decided to just see what she had to say. Maybe she didn’t even know about them.

He said kind of sadly, “Well, it’s really late, we’re gonna go and let you get some sleep.” They were both dressed for work. My mom came over and kissed my forehead and they started to move towards the door.

Suddenly my dad stopped and came back to the bed and hunkered down next to it so that his face was level with mine he reached out and lightly touched my hair with his fingertips. His voice had that sad quality to it. “Your mom and I would never knowingly let anything bad happen to you.”

When they left I pushed the button on a wire that the doctor had given me to hold.

Another problem that I seem to be having is sleep or the lack of it. I get really tired and I drop off like a switch was flipped but I don’t stay asleep very long so at four o’clock in the morning I was watching old movies on TV and the instant that I could order breakfast I did. I wasn’t really hungry but there was just something about the idea of someone bringing me food that was oddly comforting and the hot coffee seemed to help my throat. As soon as I took a sip of it I got this intense flashback of that guy shooting in my mouth and I almost spit the coffee up and everything else in my stomach but then I got it under control. At about six I went slowly into the bathroom and washed my face. There was a new toothbrush and toothpaste there and I used them and then climbed back into bed.

Karen showed up at about seven forty-five looking nervous. She tapped lightly on the door and then peeked her head in like she really didn’t know the person that she was here to visit. She said softly, “Is it okay that I’m here?” I wasn’t sure whether she meant okay with me or okay with the hospital but I nodded yes.

I nodded and said, “Yeah, come on in.” I tried to stay all normal sounding but well let’s face it, I just wasn’t a good judge.

She walked over to the side of the bed and picked up my hand and smiled. “I won’t lie to ya Robbie, you look like hell.”

My throat was still really sore and I’m pretty sure that my voice was weird. I smiled back at her and said, “I guess then that the outside matches the inside.”

She seemed to suck in her upper lip like she was afraid of loosing control. “You want to talk about it?” What is it with women and talking about stuff?

I shook my head and said, “No.”

“You know you scared the crap outta everyone. Mom and Dad were………..well nuts………..and your brothers………..”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” That was maybe a little too loud.

She said, “I didn’t mean what happened just that they were upset, everyone was worried, worried about you.”

“I know, I talked to Mom and Dad last night. I didn’t mean to upset them.” Why was I apologizing? “It’s not like I planned it.”

“I know, Robbie.” She rubbed my hand between the two of hers like she wanted to warm it up. “Jimmy would like to come la…………….”

“No!!” Now that was a shout. I could feel tears forming in my eyes. “I don’t wanna see them! I told the doctor not to let em in! I told him!”

“Okay, Baby, calm down. I’ll tell em not to come. Don’t worry. But, Robbie, they’re not the ones who did this to you.”

I gave her both barrels. “They might as well have been! They did it to other kids and who knows what else they’ve done that I don’t know about? They lied about that so how do I even know who they are? You didn’t hear em! They were laughing! They were fucking laughing!” I was screaming now and two nurses hit the door at about the same time and shoved a confused sister unceremoniously out into the hall with the admonition that I wasn’t supposed to be upset.

I was shivering when the nurses got back into the room and they got heated blankets and piled em on. I didn’t realize that I was crying until the nurse got a tissue and wiped my eyes.

That was how my mom and dad found me when they came at nine. If anything they looked more worried now than they did last night.

My dad said, “There’s a Detective Daniels waiting in the hall.” He ran his hand over my hair. “You ready for this?”

My mom said, “We’ll be right here, Robbie. If you get too upset we’ll make him come back another time.

The fact was that I wasn’t all that upset. It seemed like I should be, at least to my parents and well, even to me but it just didn’t bother me, not like I thought it would.
And a side benefit was the Detective Daniels or Mark as he asked to be called was young and drop dead gorgeous. Did I mention that I’m gay? Shhhhhh. It’s a secret.

Mark was tall with broad shoulders and dark brown hair that had a way of dropping over his forehead but that just drew attention to his bright blue eyes.

He pulled a chair over to the side of my bed and sat with a notebook in his hand.

He smiled at me and asked, “You feeling okay now?” He shook his head and said, “Scratch that, of course you’re not. Let’s make that, do you feel up to this and do you mind if I record it?”

I nodded and said, “I feel okay and sure you can record it.” Out of the corner of my eye I could see my dad begin to open his mouth but he didn’t actually say anything.

“I know that you’ve got a concussion and I know that sometimes that can mess up your thinking. Do you feel like you’re thinking clearly right now?” He added a smile.

“Yes, Sir, I do.”

“Well the first thing that I’d like to know is when you got home from school yesterday why did you barricade yourself in your room?” He smiled. “By the way, you did a great job. The fire department had to come and climb up a ladder and go through your window.”

I glanced over at my dad who had his head down. I took a deep breath and said, “I got confused. Things were pretty much running together in my head at the time and when I saw my three brothers………..well in my mind it was just like they were the other three guys who had actually done it.” I added quickly. “My brothers didn’t do it three other guys did.”

Mark glanced over at my father with a small smile on his face. My dad’s head was still down. The next word he drew out in an exaggerated way. “Okaaaayyyy. Well, that answers that, I guess.”

We spent the next half hour going over the details of what the guys did to me. Mark went over it again and again approaching it from different time frames and asking questions in reverse order but my answers stayed pretty much the same. In the middle of it my dad got up and left the room. Finally Mark pulled out of his briefcase what I immediately recognized as a high school yearbook.

“This is last years because they haven’t done this years yet. You think that you can pick the guys out?”

“I dunno, I think so. Lemme see the book.” It was way easier than I thought. They were older boys but somehow they didn’t look old enough to be seniors and in the end they all turned out to be juniors.

Mark looked at me and said, “You’re sure?”

I said, “Yeah, what’ll happen to em?”

He sighed. “They’re probably all under eighteen so I dunno but it won’t be anything good, on the other hand it probably won’t be major prison time either. Mark said, “Robbie, I’d like to stop by in a day or two when you’re feeling better. Would that be okay?” I nodded yes.

My dad was back in the room by then and looked up at the detective his face unreadable. Then they all did the adult handshake, nice to have met you thing and then Mark was gone. I thought for a moment about how three boys who had done a really stupid cruel thing were gonna be arrested today and their lives changed forever. I may have just changed potential stockbrokers and real estate agents into street sweepers and burger flippers.

My dad walked over to the bed and sat on the edge of it. He said quietly, “I got a call from your sister.”

I didn’t say anything just stared at him.

“You’re gonna have to deal with your brothers eventually.” I could feel my body stiffen up and my heart rate increase and I think he could feel it too.

“Robbie, we’re all part of one family. What they did was stupid, incredibly stupid but they want to make it right and you can’t spend the next few years not talking to them.”

I was still staring at him although it may have turned more into a glare.

“Look, we’re all gonna be eating at the same table and occupying the same living space. At least listen to them.”

I buried my face in my hands and mumbled, “I don’t trust them!”

My dad rubbed my back. “Give em a chance, Robbie, maybe they can earn your trust.” He squeezed the back of my neck. “They’ve gotta earn mine too you know.”

I looked up at him. “You know they terrify me?”

“I know, Robbie but they would never ever hurt you. I know, I know they did hurt someone else, well, not really hurt them…………………..just try it son. Whether you want to believe it or not they love you.”

“Okay, tell em………….okay.” This was a battle I knew from the beginning that I could never win. It was literally three to one and maybe even four to one and fuck I was probably crazy anyway.