The Dark Side of the Moon 2
When I woke up I could feel something up my ass and I started
to cry but when I opened my eyes I could see that there was
a doctor doing it, not that that made it all that much better.
He looked at me and gave
me a warm smile. “Sorry about
this but the police need a swab.” I covered my face with
my hands and just kept crying. It had been a bad day. A day
when it seemed like I’d lost almost everything that mattered
to me and now I was in some hospital and they were doing stuff
to me and I was alone.
I heard the doctor drop
something into something that sounded metallic and then his
hands were on
my wrist. He said matter
of factly to me, “You’ve got a concussion.” He
moved his stethoscope over my chest. “You’re gonna
be okay though.” I knew that that wasn’t true.
The doctor ran his hand
over my hair. “Your family is
outside. They’re anxious to see you. I’ll send
That got my attention
and I sat quickly up in bed. “No!” That
sounded a little nuts even to me. Then more quietly, “No,
I don’t wanna see anyone! Make em go away!”
He gently pushed me back
down onto the bed and looked down at me. “Robert, you’re fourteen and they’re
your parents. I can’t stop them from seeing you.” Then
he got a very serious look. “Did they have anything to
do with this?” I realized that I’d given him the
“No! No, that’s not why I don’t wanna see
em.” But there was one thing that I was gonna be firm
about. “But I don’t wanna see my brothers! Please
you gotta promise me!”
He looked hard into my
eyes and then finally said, “Okay,
they’re not your parents. I’ll keep em out but
you need to talk to someone about this. Did they hurt you?”
I sighed and could feel
the tears running down my face. “No.
They didn’t do this to me either.”
He leaned over the bed
and looked right into my eyes. “The
cops are gonna want to talk to you too. They’ve been
here once and they’ll be back.” He sighed looked
at the wall and then back at me. “You be sure you tell
em everything.” Oh God! I couldn’t believe that
I still had to face that.
I could hear yelling in
the hallway. It sounded like my brothers and my father but
then it stopped
suddenly. I looked around
the room to see if there was a way out but there wasn’t
and I found myself sinking down further into the bed dreading
what I knew was going to happen.
My dad came into the room all aggressive with my mom seeming
to try to hold him back with her eyes. I knew that I was crying
again and when he came towards the bed I could feel myself
backing away from him without even knowing why. That seemed
to stop him a few feet from the bed and he looked at me with
a look of confusion and maybe even anger on his face. I was
sure that he thought that this was all my fault.
He took another step towards
me and I found my body pushing itself even further away from
to disappear completely.
His face dropped and he said softly, “Robbie.”
I was having a problem
separating what had actually happened and what I was afraid
people’s reactions would be with
what I knew from past experience. Like I said it wasn’t
a good day.
I was pushing myself up
in the bed and away from my dad but my head hurt like crazy
I was tired
and weak and was running
out of space to push myself to. My voice was hoarse and pleading. “Don’t
hit me! I didn’t do anything wrong!” My dad had
never hit me and had never given me any reason to think that
he would. Crazy.
Lucky for me that didn’t
make him turn around and run. He stepped over to the bed
but firmly pulled my
head against his chest. I was really crying now. He bent his
head down so that my head was under his chin.
He whispered, “I’d never hurt you.” I knew
that, I really did. It’s just that, well, not everything
was working, you know, in my brain.
On the other side of the
bed I could feel my mom pick up my hand and squeeze it. She
said softly, “Honey, do you
want to talk about it?” I shook my head no against my
dad’s chest. That was the last thing that I wanted to
Before they left my mom
said, “Your brothers…………………” but
dad interrupted her.
He said softly, “They told us what they did………..and
that you heard them talking about it.” He sighed. “They’ve
got a lot to think about…………..but we
can talk about that when you get outta here and come home.
The doctor said that you didn’t wanna talk to em.” I
was sliding down into the bed and really wanted to pull the
covers up over my head. Come home, did I really have to do
My head felt like it was gonna explode but I shook it slowly.
He just nodded that he
understood and then said, “Karen
was here earlier but” He glanced at his watch, “we
sent her home. She gonna stop in tomorrow morning before school.
Is that okay?”
My voice came out sounding
like a monkey or some fucking animal that had just been taught
to speak. “Yeah, that’s
good.” I could still feel that cock being jammed down
Then I got to thinking
about it. Was it good or was she on their side. Jimmy was
her twin and
even though she usually
treated me like she was mom that didn’t mean that she
wouldn’t side with them. Even though this was a lousy
time to be making decisions I decided to just see what she
had to say. Maybe she didn’t even know about them.
He said kind of sadly, “Well, it’s really late,
we’re gonna go and let you get some sleep.” They
were both dressed for work. My mom came over and kissed my
forehead and they started to move towards the door.
Suddenly my dad stopped
and came back to the bed and hunkered down next to it so
that his face
was level with mine he reached
out and lightly touched my hair with his fingertips. His voice
had that sad quality to it. “Your mom and I would never
knowingly let anything bad happen to you.”
When they left I pushed the button on a wire that the doctor
had given me to hold.
Another problem that I
seem to be having is sleep or the lack of it. I get really
tired and I drop
off like a switch was
flipped but I don’t stay asleep very long so at four
o’clock in the morning I was watching old movies on TV
and the instant that I could order breakfast I did. I wasn’t
really hungry but there was just something about the idea of
someone bringing me food that was oddly comforting and the
hot coffee seemed to help my throat. As soon as I took a sip
of it I got this intense flashback of that guy shooting in
my mouth and I almost spit the coffee up and everything else
in my stomach but then I got it under control. At about six
I went slowly into the bathroom and washed my face. There was
a new toothbrush and toothpaste there and I used them and then
climbed back into bed.
Karen showed up at about
seven forty-five looking nervous. She tapped lightly on the
door and then
peeked her head in
like she really didn’t know the person that she was here
to visit. She said softly, “Is it okay that I’m
here?” I wasn’t sure whether she meant okay with
me or okay with the hospital but I nodded yes.
I nodded and said, “Yeah, come on in.” I tried
to stay all normal sounding but well let’s face it, I
just wasn’t a good judge.
She walked over to the
side of the bed and picked up my hand and smiled. “I won’t
lie to ya Robbie, you look like hell.”
My throat was still really
sore and I’m pretty sure
that my voice was weird. I smiled back at her and said, “I
guess then that the outside matches the inside.”
She seemed to suck in
her upper lip like she was afraid of loosing control. “You want to talk about it?” What
is it with women and talking about stuff?
I shook my head and said, “No.”
“You know you scared the crap outta everyone. Mom and
Dad were………..well nuts………..and
“I don’t wanna talk about it.” That
was maybe a little too loud.
She said, “I didn’t
mean what happened just that they were upset, everyone was
worried about you.”
“I know, I talked to Mom and Dad last night. I didn’t
mean to upset them.” Why was I apologizing? “It’s
not like I planned it.”
“I know, Robbie.” She rubbed my hand between the
two of hers like she wanted to warm it up. “Jimmy would
like to come la…………….”
“No!!” Now that was a shout. I could feel tears
forming in my eyes. “I don’t wanna see them! I
told the doctor not to let em in! I told him!”
“Okay, Baby, calm down. I’ll tell em not to come.
Don’t worry. But, Robbie, they’re not the ones
who did this to you.”
I gave her both barrels. “They might as well have been!
They did it to other kids and who knows what else they’ve
done that I don’t know about? They lied about that so
how do I even know who they are? You didn’t hear em!
They were laughing! They were fucking laughing!” I was
screaming now and two nurses hit the door at about the same
time and shoved a confused sister unceremoniously out into
the hall with the admonition that I wasn’t supposed to
I was shivering when the
nurses got back into the room and they got heated blankets
and piled em on.
I didn’t realize
that I was crying until the nurse got a tissue and wiped my
That was how my mom and dad found me when they came at nine.
If anything they looked more worried now than they did last
My dad said, “There’s a Detective Daniels waiting
in the hall.” He ran his hand over my hair. “You
ready for this?”
My mom said, “We’ll be right here, Robbie. If
you get too upset we’ll make him come back another time.
The fact was that I wasn’t all that upset. It seemed
like I should be, at least to my parents and well, even to
me but it just didn’t bother me, not like I thought it
And a side benefit was the Detective Daniels or Mark as he
asked to be called was young and drop dead gorgeous. Did I
mention that I’m gay? Shhhhhh. It’s a secret.
Mark was tall with broad shoulders and dark brown hair that
had a way of dropping over his forehead but that just drew
attention to his bright blue eyes.
He pulled a chair over to the side of my bed and sat with
a notebook in his hand.
He smiled at me and asked, “You feeling okay now?” He
shook his head and said, “Scratch that, of course you’re
not. Let’s make that, do you feel up to this and do you
mind if I record it?”
I nodded and said, “I feel okay and sure you can record
it.” Out of the corner of my eye I could see my dad begin
to open his mouth but he didn’t actually say anything.
“I know that you’ve got a concussion and I know
that sometimes that can mess up your thinking. Do you feel
like you’re thinking clearly right now?” He added
“Yes, Sir, I do.”
“Well the first thing that I’d like to know is
when you got home from school yesterday why did you barricade
yourself in your room?” He smiled. “By the way,
you did a great job. The fire department had to come and climb
up a ladder and go through your window.”
I glanced over at my dad
who had his head down. I took a deep breath and said, “I got confused. Things were pretty
much running together in my head at the time and when I saw
my three brothers………..well in my mind it
was just like they were the other three guys who had actually
done it.” I added quickly. “My brothers didn’t
do it three other guys did.”
Mark glanced over at my
father with a small smile on his face. My dad’s head was still down. The next word he drew out
in an exaggerated way. “Okaaaayyyy. Well, that answers
that, I guess.”
We spent the next half hour going over the details of what
the guys did to me. Mark went over it again and again approaching
it from different time frames and asking questions in reverse
order but my answers stayed pretty much the same. In the middle
of it my dad got up and left the room. Finally Mark pulled
out of his briefcase what I immediately recognized as a high
“This is last years because they haven’t
done this years yet. You think that you can pick the guys
“I dunno, I think so. Lemme see the book.” It
was way easier than I thought. They were older boys but somehow
they didn’t look old enough to be seniors and in the
end they all turned out to be juniors.
Mark looked at me and
I said, “Yeah, what’ll
happen to em?”
He sighed. “They’re probably all under eighteen
so I dunno but it won’t be anything good, on the other
hand it probably won’t be major prison time either. Mark
said, “Robbie, I’d like to stop by in a day or
two when you’re feeling better. Would that be okay?” I
My dad was back in the room by then and looked up at the detective
his face unreadable. Then they all did the adult handshake,
nice to have met you thing and then Mark was gone. I thought
for a moment about how three boys who had done a really stupid
cruel thing were gonna be arrested today and their lives changed
forever. I may have just changed potential stockbrokers and
real estate agents into street sweepers and burger flippers.
My dad walked over to
the bed and sat on the edge of it. He said quietly, “I
got a call from your sister.”
I didn’t say anything
just stared at him.
“You’re gonna have to deal with your brothers
eventually.” I could feel my body stiffen up and my heart
rate increase and I think he could feel it too.
“Robbie, we’re all part of one family. What they
did was stupid, incredibly stupid but they want to make it
right and you can’t spend the next few years not talking
I was still staring at him although it may have turned more
into a glare.
all gonna be eating at the same table and occupying the same
At least listen to them.”
I buried my face in my
hands and mumbled, “I don’t
My dad rubbed my back. “Give em a chance, Robbie, maybe
they can earn your trust.” He squeezed the back of my
neck. “They’ve gotta earn mine too you know.”
I looked up at him. “You
know they terrify me?”
“I know, Robbie but they would never ever hurt you.
I know, I know they did hurt someone else, well, not really
try it son. Whether you want to believe it or not they love
“Okay, tell em………….okay.” This
was a battle I knew from the beginning that I could never win.
It was literally three to one and maybe even four to one and
fuck I was probably crazy anyway.