The Good Doctor 10
It’s probably too soon. He’s gonna think that
I’m asking him to make some sort of commitment. On the
other hand Jase is waiting.
“Is he comin, Dad?” Jase
is in bed wearing his Spider-Man pajamas. The pillow that
his head is resting on
is between the floppy emerald green legs of Alan, the huge
bear. Jase wants to know if Pete is going to come and tuck
him in too.
“Ahh, I gotta go see, Jase. I think that he was talking
to a patient on his cell phone.” A lie. “I just
gotta go see.” Jase is more than willing to wait.
I trot into the family room where Pete is sitting on the floor
leaning against the sofa watching the news. No, we never use
the furniture like normal people. I straddle his legs and sit
on his hips.
“Ahhhh, okay here’s the deal” I duck my
head and then raise my eyes to look at him. He’s smiling!
Weird. “It’s not like a big deal or anything but
would you be willing to come in and say goodnight to Jase?
I mean I know that you already said goodnight to him but it’s
just kinda like a tucking in thing. Kinda a little boy thing.”
Pete looks up at me with those intense blue eyes and then
smiles again. What is that about? He pulls my head to him and
kisses me. I have no clue why. I mean not that he needs a reason
or anything. His voice is soft and slow.
“I’d love to……………….if
that’s what he wants. I mean, you didn’t…………?
“No, no, Jase asked! I was just afraid that you…………..well
anyway………..he’s waiting.” I stood
up and pulled Pete with me.
Walking down the hallway Pete puts his
arm around my waist and half pulls me in and leans over and
kisses the side of
my face. He’s taking this well.
We’re kneeling on either side of Jase’s
bed our forearms resting on the mattress.
Jase says. “See, Pete, Alan is watchin out for me.” The
bear looms over all of us. Frankly he looks scary to me but
apparently not to Jase and that’s what counts. Scary?
He’s a fucking stuffed bear!
Pete rubs the back of Jase’s hand
and starts telling a story about how he, when he was a little
boy and his grandpa
were staying overnight in a small cabin way up north and how
he got scared when his grandpa went outside to get more wood
for the fire. He weaves creaking trees and flickering shadows
into the story.
Only the small bedside lamp lights Jase’s bedroom and
it just barely illuminates Pete’s face as he talks, his
eyes flashing at moments and becoming hooded at others. His
voice is soft and throaty and Jase is enthralled and is tightening
and relaxing his grip on my hand as the story rises and falls.
Pete brings the story to a gentle happy conclusion and we both
kiss Jase goodnight.
As we walk back into the family room I thank Pete for taking
the time with Jase.
“I thought that you might feel
Pete pulls me down onto the sofa. Okay,
we use it once in a while. He looks concerned. “Why would I feel weird?” He
entwines his fingers with mine.
“I didn’t want you to think
that I was pushing you towards a commitment.”
“Commitment?” He looks strange.
What did I just do?
“Ahhh, like you know, like something that you had to
do or that you were getting in deeper than maybe you wanted
to.” He’s staring at me with his mouth open. He’s
never done that. What did I do? “Don’t look at
me like that! Look! It’s just that because maybe I feel………..a
certain way, it doesn’t mean that I expect you to feel
exactly that same way.” God! I’m just making this
worse. Eric shut up!!!!
He clamps his jaw shut and his jaw muscles
are flexing. He drops my hand and stands up. He’s staring
at the floor with his hands shoved deep into his pockets.
Finally he shakes
his head slowly and sits back down.
He pulls me over to him on the sofa and
holds my face in both of his hands. “You do remember
me saying that I love you? You did actually hear that and
you do remember it?”
“Yeah sure.” Geez he’s
“You do realize that I meant it?”
“And you did tell me that you love me? I didn’t
“I just thought,” he groans with frustration, “I
just thought that maybe you might want like a return policy.” He’s
got the same look on his face that my mother gets. “Like
in case within thirty days you weren’t REALLY happy.
That maybe………..” He never gives me
a chance to finish. He rolls me over so that I’m lying
on my back and the weight of his upper body is holding me down
and then he kisses me really hard. His body is so solid and
he’s got the beginnings of a hardon so this can’t
be too bad.
He’s holding his hand lightly over my mouth. “Now
get this! I……love…..you!!! I love Jason!
Period! No ands, no ifs, no buts and no maybes! That’s
the way it is and that’s the way that it’s gonna
stay and there is no fucking event on this earth that is gonna
fucking change that!” He never swears. “Now, fucking
think about it, my house is two doors away and for the last
two weeks I’ve spent every night with you. I’ve
got a refrigerator full of fucking spoiled food and I don’t
give a damn!” Well, he hardly ever swears. “I’ve
probably got a mailbox full of fucking bills and I don’t
give a damn! “None of that matters! The only thing that
I think about is you! And you ask me about commitment?” Does
he really understand what he’s saying?
I decide that I might as well get all
of the bad news out. “Well
you might as well know that I promised my mom that we’d
take her and my dad out to dinner. She wants to meet you, like
formally.” If he has any sense he’ll run now!
He doesn’t hesitate a second. “Good, I’ve
been looking forward to meeting them.” Does he really
really really realize what he’s saying? He’s kinda
calming down although I’m wondering why he’s so
anxious to meet mom.
“Are you sure? Did you ever meet
“Eleanor says that she’s
a wonderful lady.”
“They’re both members of the same street gang!” I
wanted to say the Mothers from Hell street gang but I thought
that it might sound too mean and I figure that he’s still
a little pissed at me even if I don’t understand what
I did that was so terrible.
I sighed. “My mother is a wonderful person. She’s
just so intense! She expects me to do everything a certain
way and if I don’t do EXACTLY what she wants she just
keeps, well attacking would be too strong of a word………..but
Pete rolls a little off of me so that I can breath. Thank
God! He props his head up on his hand and listens.
“Like mom doesn’t get it that some things aren’t
important to me………..or more likely she does
get it but she just thinks that I’m being stupid.” He
slides his right hand up under the back of my tee shirt and
rubs my back. Now this really should be called a foul because
I didn’t do anything to distract him while he was talking.
I hope he rubs my butt.
He has a very sincere look on his face. “Have you told
your mom how you feel?” My turn to groan. Does he realize
what he’s dealing with here? This is not like June Cleaver!
This is more like Momzilla! I slowly work my right side down
kinda underneath Pete. It’d be really nice if I didn’t
have to talk anymore and he just held me.
“Nooo, I suppose not in so many words but I really don’t
think that she listens and besides it seems like every time
I open my mouth it gets used against me.” I’m practically
staring up at him now. I know what he’s going to say.
“Well maybe you need to sit down and have a calm talk
with her.” His nipple is practically right in front of
my mouth. I wonder what he’d do if I bit it.
He sees me looking at his nipple and
you dare!” He rubs my chest. “You’re all
I shake my head no. “Maybe later. I just need you to
do the boyfriend thing and hold me.” He gave me a “why
didn’t I know that’s what you wanted look” and
then climbed behind me on the sofa and wrapped his arms around
me shoving his left leg through my legs. I drop the side of
my head against his muscular upper arm and exhale, it seems
like it’s the first time that I’ve done that today.
When I’m wrapped in his arms like this it’s like
I don’t have any responsibilities, it’s like I’m
turning over control of everything to him.
“His voice is soft deep and concerned. “Why didn’t
you tell me that you wanted to be held?” He kisses the
back of my neck and I sigh. Yeah, more of this! His left hand
runs up under my tee shirt and rests on my chest.
Funny, I’m thinking about baseball, not the game necessarily
but more the stuff. As the warmth of Pete’s body is melding
into mine I’m thinking of being a little boy and sitting
on the front steps of our house with the warm summer sun beating
down. I can remember the feel of my old baseball glove, the
feel and smell of the leather and the rhythmic “Thwack” sound
that the ball made as I punched it over and over again into
the glove. I wonder if my mom still has that stuff? I should
get that stuff for Jase.
Why didn’t I tell him that I wanted to be held? Why?
I guess because I never had anyone to do this, to hold me.
Being held by a man is sure different than being held by a
woman. Guys don’t fuck around with twirling strands of
your hair or any cute crap like that they hold you………….well,
I can remember playing out in the warm summer yard when I
was a kid with the grass so incredibly green and smelling so
alive and my dad listening to baseball games on the radio.
I can remember walking over to his chair and watching him as
he listened and him reaching out without thinking and putting
his arm around my shoulders.
Jase does the same thing with me only
I’m usually on
the computer or watching television. He walks over and leans
against my chair. “Watcha doin, Dad?” He’s
said it a million times. “Why do ya do that, Dad? Can
I do that, Dad? Can I help ya, Dad?”
And I pull him up onto my lap and continue doing whatever I
was doing and that seems okay to him. Does he do it only so
that I’ll hold him? Maybe. Maybe we all just need to
be held, to be told that every things gonna be okay, that we’re
The next thing I know Pete is hauling
me to bed. I barely wake up as he peels my clothes off and
I crawl under the covers.
Moments later his warm arms wrap around me and his hairy chest
is pressed to my back. Hours later we wake up and make gentle
love, more a love thing than a sex thing and very good, different
than crazy sexed up gotta get off sex, but in it’s way
better. Just as I’m falling back asleep he lightly bites
the back of my neck. I smile as he buries his face in my hair.
In the morning Pete wakes me by sliding
a hand under the covers and wrapping it around my hard cock.
I don’t think and
I don’t open my eyes, I just thrust against his hand.
He laughs. “You’re too late for that, Buddy!” I
open my eyes and find his staring back at me. He’s completely
dressed. Fuck! He bends his head down and kisses me. “Jase
is peeing and is almost awake. I told him to watch television
until you get up. I’m on my way to the hospital and then
to the clinic.”
I mumble. “No fucking?”
He smiles. “Nope, you’re
wearing me out. I gotta go to work to get some rest.”
Jase walks into the bedroom and Pete picks up Spider-Man and
puts him on top of me.
“I’ll see you guys later.” He
takes off down the hall as Jase is riding me like a horse.
Jase is beating me to death so I tip him over and lift up
his pajama top and blow raspberries on his stomach. He screams
and scrambles to get off of the bed.
I reach down to the floor grab my boxers
and slip them on under the covers and grab Jase’s foot just as he’s
about to go over the edge of the bed.
“Whatdya say we make some breakfast,
I make Jase scrambled eggs on toast, our usual, our favorite.
He decides that eggs would taste a lot better if I fed them
to him while he leans against my leg. I love watching him eat.
“Dad, how come I don’t have boxers? How come I
gotta wear briefs?” I shovel another forkful of eggs
and toast into his mouth. It shuts him up and gives me time
to think. Mostly, Jase’s questions are no more than what
they seem but sometimes there’s more there than meets
the eye. After Janet died I had to start being even more aware
of what he was asking because I figure that sometimes he’s
asking more than maybe even he realizes. This seems like a
“I dunno, Jase. No reason really………………except
now that I think about it I’m not sure that I’ve
ever seen boxers for little boys. Next time we go shopping
He rolls along my leg to the table and
then lays his head on it. He stares up at me with those hazel
does Pete live with us now?” Oh geez, Jase!
“Kinda, Jase! But you know, Pete has got his own house
just on the other side of Eleanor’s.”
“Dad, I want him to live with us. I don’t want
him to go back home.” I smile and pull Jase up onto my
“I do too, Jase.” I squeeze him and kiss the side
of his neck. “You know what we’re gonna do? When
I pick you up today we’re goin over to grandma’s
and raid the basement. I think that she’s still got my
old baseball glove and ball. I thought that maybe you’d
like to have em.”
He twists and looks up at me. “Baseball?”