The Good Doctor 3
Jase and I walk to his bedroom holding
hands, he’s wearing
dark blue dinosaur pajamas. He lets me lift him into bed and
pull the covers up. “Noses, Dad!”
We rub noses, just like the Eskimos used
to do or at least what we think that they used to do. He
reaches out and touches
the tip of my nose. “Dad, you know what? You can’t
stay up late. You gotta go to work tomorrow.”
“I promise, Jase.” I kiss
him on his cheek and he giggles and then I turn out the light,
give his hand a squeeze
and walk quietly back to Pete.
I’m overcome with the emotion my son brings out in me.
Sometimes it just hits me! Sometimes the magnitude of what
he means to me just bowls me over. Nothing prepares you for
being a dad! It’s impossible to know beforehand the changes
that a kid is going to make in your life. He becomes your life
at least in some ways.
Pete and I are sitting on the floor leaning
back against the sofa, we’re sipping decaf coffee. He looks over at me
and says. “You okay?”
I rub my eyes with the palms of my hands
and then smile. “Yeah
I’m good. Sometimes it just………………….kinda
the totality of how I feel about Jason.” I drop my head
back against the sofa and then turn it towards Pete. “Doesn’t
help being Italian, we’re kinda emotional from the get
Pete is smiling at me, probably because
he thinks that I’m
some sort of fucking weirdo and he’s trying to figure
out how fast he can get outta here without setting me off.
He turns towards me and then reaches
out slowly and holds the side of my head with his right hand.
Leaning forward he
kisses me gently, still no tongues but a lotta heat. Of course
it takes two tongues to tango and I haven’t tried slipping
him mine either.
He’s so muscular. It doesn’t show up much under
a lab coat but the couple of times that he’s held me
and kissed me I’ve been aware of just how powerful his
body is. Lotsa workout time involved there.
He turns back around so that he’s sitting and leaning
against the sofa normally but somehow he’s come into
possession of my right hand and it rests in his left. His hand
is warm and dry and feels pretty good, so I don’t mention
it and neither does he. It’s just there.
“Weren’t you working with your dad? Wasn’t
he about to retire?” His thumb is gently rubbing the
top of my thumb.
“Yeah, he did. It still seems weird, Cortland Industrial
Supply. When I was a little kid I used to help clean up the
office and then when I was in high school I worked in the warehouse
but I never thought that it’d be mine, that I’d
actually be in charge. Mom told me tonight that she wants me
to call him and talk about the business, that he misses talking
Pete squeezed my hand and pressed it
to his leg. “It’s
really important for older people to feel that they’re
still involved. In effect, that you still need them. I see
it all the time in my practice. Well anyway, my point is that
you really should talk to him. It means so much to them, way
more than you can imagine. Just a few moments of your time
can be really huge to them and actually have a very positive
effect on his health.” Then he gives me a goofy “sorry
I was acting like a doctor,” smile.
“When Jason’s mother died,” Why the fuck
did I put it like that? Where did those words come from? “I
told my mom and dad that I was gay. They pretty much freaked
at first. Well, mom freaked, dad just kinda got quiet. He does
that. That’s kinda what he does when things get like,
personal. Mom is nothing but personal. You don’t ever
have to guess at what she’s thinking but my dad doesn’t
like to talk about that stuff. We never did talk about the
whole gay thing, I mean my dad and me. He just pretends that
it’s not happening and so I just never say anything either.
Like it doesn’t exist.”
I roll my head towards him and look into
those blue eyes staring back at me. “Jason fills the gap with my dad. Like he
figures he’s got another chance at someone being normal
or what he wants normal to be.”
Pete pulls my arm up and holds my hand
to his chest. “What
about your mom. Apparently she got over it.”
“She went totally loco for a couple of weeks but in
the end, after I got a chance to talk to her and have her listen,
she came around. I told her that it wasn’t like something
that I planned and it wasn’t something that was going
away. Mom is a realist. A real here and now kinda person.”
know? I mean does he have any understanding of the shift in
“Maybe. I mean that he seems sometimes to kinda get
it. Little kids are pretty sharp and he seems to be aware of
the fact that I don’t show any interest in women but
I’m not sure that he’s able to take it further
I sat up and took Pete’s hand. “Let’s go
into the kitchen, this is killing my back.” We got up
and I was at last able to stretch. As we walked into the kitchen
I suddenly felt Pete’s hands on my shoulders, kneading
“Oh fuck that feels good!” After I said it it
dawned on me that I might like to rearrange those words. No,
not yet. I don’t really know who he is, gotta know that
“You have a problem with your back?” Damn he’s
got strong hands.
“Just that position. Always nails me.” Great,
he’s gonna think that I’m talking about sex!
“Your shoulders are all tight.” I won’t
even go there.
“Want some Tiramisu? I’ve got lots.” When
in doubt, eat! Tiramisu is mom’s idea of a tactical nuclear
weapon, not really the big one, just something she lobs in
from time to time.
Pete put his mouth right at my ear, his
hands were still massaging. “I
don’t make you nervous do I?” His voice was quiet
and throaty. My cock likes quiet and throaty and began responding
as expected until I had a good talk with it about restraint
and the need to get to know your sex partners. “Cause
I don’t wanna make you nervous, horny maybe but not nervous.”
I turned in his arms faced him and smiled. “Yeah, like
I need more horny!” I lead him gently by the arm to a
kitchen chair. I took the one opposite.
“I seem to remember that your dad
is a doctor. Tell me about him. Do you like him?”
Pete smiled, a contented smile like he
was remembering something nice. “My dad’s a cardiologist, the best. My mom
is a psychologist.” He shut up and smiled at me. Those
blue eyes have dark edges to the iris that gives them a penetrating
quality. There is some light brown hair sticking up above the
top button of his pale blue shirt.
“It sounds like you do like him.” I
bet that the hair on his chest is really, really soft.
Pete ducked his head and his blond hair
spilled over his forehead a bit. “Yeah, I do. It seems
strange to say it because I guess we never, ever, talk about
it, but yeah I do.”
“Do they know that you’re gay?” Nosy little
fucker aren’t I?
Pete opened his mouth and then closed
it like he wanted to think a bit more before he spoke. “Yep, they do. So does
Dr. Malvec. I told him when I interviewed for the job.” Geez
that takes guts!
“I guess that I can assume that it didn’t
Pete looked quickly around the kitchen
almost like he was looking to escape. Then he dropped his
head his voice was barely
a whisper. “I fell in love with you.” He glanced
up at me and gave me a funny little smile. “I doesn’t
make any sense and I’ve tried to talk myself out of it
for a couple of months now but I fell in love with you when
we met at that block party.” He was staring down at his
empty plate and running his finger around the edge.
“How?” My mouth had gone suddenly dry and I could
feel my heart pounding. “How could that happen? You…………you
didn’t say anything.” I raised my hand to my forehead
more than a bit stunned. “I remember you talking about
your house and the neighborhood and stuff like that but you
never said anything about love. I woulda remembered.”
Pete looked like he was headed into full
panic mode. “I
better go. I gotta stop at the hospital tomorrow morning and
see a couple of patients.” He started to stand up.
“Go? Go? You can’t tell me something like that
and then just go!” That’s the Nora Desmond in me
He came around the table and bent down
and kissed me. “I’m
not running. Well, I am but I have to. I really do need to
see those patients…………….and you
need time to think.” He touched the back of my hand with
his fingertips. “There was no perfect time to tell you.” He
sighed deeply and smiled at me. “I’m usually smoother
than this, really. It’s just that you kinda short circuit
I’ve only had gay sex four times……….honest.
The first time was at the rest stop out on the interstate.
I blew a trucker a little bit and he blew me a lot. The second
time was also at the rest stop but that time it was a college
kid and he only wanted to get a blowjob. I did it badly but
he shot in my mouth anyway. I didn’t swallow it and thought
that I was gonna puke. Funny what you can get used to and even
come to crave. The third time was some sort of businessman
and we just beat each other off in a stall. That was the first
time that I kissed a guy and it sizzled in my brain for months.
The fourth time was another trucker and we had sex in the sleeper
part of his eighteen-wheeler. That was fantastic sex with loads
of slow passionate kissing and a mind-blowing orgasm with his
finger up my butt. I can still feel that finger.
I’m a relationship kinda guy, a half of a whole. Janet
and I went together for a couple of years before we lived together
and then got married. Don’t think that mom didn’t
put her two cents worth in on that. It was wonderful. It was
horrible. It was cut short. I can’t think about that!
Jason is the result, that’s what counts. The little boy
that wakes me up at six o’clock in the morning to help
him put together a puzzle that he’s spread out all over
my bed while I’ve slept.
“I can’t help, Jason! My eyes won’t
“Whadya mean, Dad?”
“See my eyes? There closed! They won’t
“Ya gotta open em, Dad!”
“How do ya open em?”
“How do I open my eyes?”
Growing frustration. “Dad, you
gotta open em from inside!”
“But how do I DO that?”
“You just gotta push em open, Dad!” He finally
pries them open. “See! Like that!”
See? I’m just a kid myself.
Jase and I are cooking breakfast in our underwear, boxers
for me and blue briefs for him.
Between the two of us we can just manage scrambled eggs and
toast. Jase does the toast cause it’s safer than the
stove. Actually he just puts the bread in the toaster and pushes
the knob down. I take it out and butter it and in Jase’s
case put jelly on it and cut it into triangles.
So far I’ve used my Arnold Schwarzenegger Terminator
accent on him and a little Doctor Strangelove. He keeps coming
back for more and pretty soon we’re both doing it. Jase
is strutting around with his chest all puffed up and his arms
This is, of course the exact moment my mom makes her unannounced
appearance. Why did I give this woman a key?
“You’re not DRESSED!” She literally throws
up her hands. “You’re both gonna be late!” Hands
Jase, being the smarter of us takes off running for his bedroom.
I, being the idiot, hang around.
“Mom! You know that if I get a boyfriend you can’t
be making these unannounced appearances. We’re gonna
need notice. Maybe an email.” I bite back the remark
about flying monkeys, after all, I do love her and she means
“Baaah! You and your email!” But the boyfriend
remark is beginning to sink in and while she’s doing
the dishes. “You and Doctor O’Connor got along
okay?” I get this feeling that Eleanor’s got it
all on tape.
“Mom, I gotta get dressed. I’m a grown man and
you’re not supposed to be seeing me in my underwear.” I
turn for the bedroom but suppress a desire to sprint.
“Baah!” The hand waves again. “I seen you
in less than that!” I may never get an erection again.